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Jan 2021
9:10am, 27 Jan 2021
14,982 posts
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richmac
Doctor Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a supermarket
How long have your felt like this?
Ever since I was lidl.
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Jan 2021
12:59pm, 27 Jan 2021
442 posts
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Mountkeen
I went into PC World earlier today.
Bloody hell, you’ve really got to watch what you say in there!
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Jan 2021
4:50pm, 27 Jan 2021
57,021 posts
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Diogenes
A Geordie goes to the doctor and says Doctor Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a supermarket
How long have your felt like this?
Aldi.
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Jan 2021
4:56pm, 27 Jan 2021
11,249 posts
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chunkywizard
He also thinks his armpit smells of coconut
'Well they're bounty'
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Jan 2021
5:34pm, 27 Jan 2021
1,013 posts
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Muttley
To everyone who received a book from me for Christmas -- they're due back to the library tomorrow.
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Jan 2021
8:41pm, 27 Jan 2021
1,451 posts
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Mushroom
Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed and says: "Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you."
Shortly after that, Joe passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike... Mike..."
"Who is it?" Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike. It's me, Joe..."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died."
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe." insists the voice.
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"'Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says, "is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
"'That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what could possibly be the bad news? "
"You're on the teamsheet for Saturday."
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Jan 2021
9:53am, 28 Jan 2021
13,361 posts
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Jock Itch
A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is
A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"
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Jan 2021
10:00am, 28 Jan 2021
1,955 posts
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Groundhog
Ahhh....Lightbulb 
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Jan 2021
11:12am, 28 Jan 2021
1,392 posts
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colindglen
ladder
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Jan 2021
11:41am, 28 Jan 2021
48,326 posts
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McGoohan
Angus
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