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Joke of the day........

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Jason1969 Jan 2021 8:51pm, 12 Jan 2021 12,814 posts	Quote Pin Jason1969 Me: The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want. Wife: No, he said you could have a stroke anytime.
daz1927 Jan 2021 5:23pm, 13 Jan 2021 5,949 posts	Quote Pin daz1927 I went to the doctors today, "Oh dear," he said as he clutched my testicles. "This isn't good." "What is it doc? What have I got?" I asked all worried. He cleared his throat, let go of my balls and said, "An erection!"
daz1927 Jan 2021 5:24pm, 13 Jan 2021 5,950 posts	Quote Pin daz1927 My mate once said, "The first car you drive is as memorable as your first kiss." It's true. I still remember mine, an old banger that stank of piss... For the life of me I can't remember what the car was though!
daz1927 Jan 2021 5:25pm, 13 Jan 2021 5,951 posts	Quote Pin daz1927 I’m not saying we were poor when I was young, but when we went to KFC we had to lick other peoples fingers!
daz1927 Jan 2021 5:26pm, 13 Jan 2021 5,952 posts	Quote Pin daz1927 My missus got so fed up with me not decorating the lounge she stopped sleeping with me. I decided it was time to call in a pro... The lounge is still unfinished but at least I've had a couple of blowjobs!
Mountkeen Jan 2021 2:04pm, 14 Jan 2021 440 posts	Quote Pin Mountkeen It's been so long since I've worked I've developed a Scouse accent
Binks Jan 2021 7:58pm, 14 Jan 2021 8,050 posts	Quote Pin Binks Why was the order of Star Wars films released 4,5,6,1,2,3? In charge of sequencing, Yoda was.
faithfulred Jan 2021 12:27pm, 15 Jan 2021 544 posts	Quote Pin faithfulred Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on
Angus Clydesdale Jan 2021 12:49pm, 15 Jan 2021 21,676 posts	Quote Pin Angus Clydesdale After Matt Hancock declares the UK is at the "worst point" of the pandemic, Joe Wicks says he’s only trying to help.
Muttley Jan 2021 10:25am, 16 Jan 2021 1,006 posts	Quote Pin Muttley Not a lot of people know this but the singer Bill Withers had a brother called Bear, who wrote telephone hold music.