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Jan 2021
8:50pm, 4 Jan 2021
56,357 posts
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Diogenes
Did you get it from a cracker?
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Jan 2021
8:51pm, 4 Jan 2021
13,860 posts
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MarkyMarkMark (3M)
[Or just lifted from FaceBook?  ]
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Jan 2021
8:56pm, 4 Jan 2021
47,987 posts
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McGoohan
An outrageous claim MMM... I stole it from Twitter
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Jan 2021
9:30pm, 4 Jan 2021
13,863 posts
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MarkyMarkMark (3M)
Nicola Sturgeon is touring Perthshire in the First Minister's chauffeur driven car.
Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Nicola in her usual jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur : " You get out and check - you were driving."
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. " You were driving, go and tell the farmer," says Nicola, I can't afford to be blamed for anything. The chauffeur walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns five hours later totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face.
"What happened to you ?" asks Nicola. The chauffeur replies :
"When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap up meal and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you say?" asks Nicola.
I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them, "I'm Nicola Sturgeon's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow."
(Stolen from Facebook, on a discussion about Coronavirus. Full disclosure, McG!)
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Jan 2021
9:17am, 5 Jan 2021
14,855 posts
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richmac
I just woke up from a nightmare, I dreamt that "Everybody wants to rule the world" was back in the charts.
Must be Tier 4 fears
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Jan 2021
9:31am, 5 Jan 2021
1,492 posts
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Weean
Bit late with that one Rich!
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Jan 2021
9:41am, 5 Jan 2021
21,541 posts
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Angus Clydesdale
Boris Johnson says that until vaccines are rolled out we're fighting the virus “with the same set of tools”. A harsh but fair assessment of his cabinet.
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Jan 2021
8:01am, 6 Jan 2021
2,117 posts
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JRitchie
I went to a fancy dress party naked giving a girl a piggyback as we walked in. When I got there I was asked what I had came as, I said isn't it obvious "A Snail"! They said who's that on your back ... oh that's michelle.
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Jan 2021
9:46am, 6 Jan 2021
5,946 posts
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daz1927
When I was only 14 my Dad caught me smoking, so he made me smoke the whole packet.
I still wish that he had caught me shagging that Girl Guide...
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Jan 2021
1:13pm, 6 Jan 2021
18,461 posts
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Bazoaxe
lol JR, that reminds me of a true story but the other way about.
One of the departments at my work had a ceilidh during which there were games of some sort. One of which involved women on the back of men in some horse game. I never found out why and its not really important for the story.
The roles were then reversed and one of the kilted men was on the back of a girl who had a open back on her dress and realised her jockey was a true scotsman
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