|
May 2020
8:21pm, 18 May 2020
488 posts
|
colindglen
I have a friend who is a pilot for Virgin Atlantic but, because of this lockdown, he's off work, l asked him if he fancied doing a bit of decorating for me while he's at a loose end and he jumped at the chance.
l must say, he made a lovely job of the landing . . .
|
|
May 2020
8:32pm, 18 May 2020
7,798 posts
|
chunkywizard
[the new normal]
|
|
May 2020
8:45pm, 18 May 2020
12,788 posts
|
Jason1969
Three men walk into a bar.
Lucky bastards.
|
|
May 2020
10:46pm, 18 May 2020
11,500 posts
|
Markymarkmark
[Dang. I thought we'd got rid of that TOTP. I'm going to have to start counting posts again....]
Ladders, orphanages, saunas.
|
|
May 2020
2:48pm, 19 May 2020
415 posts
|
Mountkeen
So in retrospect, in 2015, not a single person got the answer right to "Where do you see yourself in 5 years from now?"
|
|
May 2020
3:30pm, 19 May 2020
16,467 posts
|
Bazoaxe
The odd hermit may have done !!!!
|
|
May 2020
3:49pm, 19 May 2020
24,405 posts
|
Maclennane
aren't all hermits a bit odd?
|
|
May 2020
7:08pm, 19 May 2020
5,777 posts
|
daz1927
Breaking: A cement mixer has collided with a prison van on the M6. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
|
|
May 2020
7:47pm, 19 May 2020
35 posts
|
Jayfire
A housewife took a lover during the day while her husband was at work, but was not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the wardrobe. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the same wardrobe.
The boy now has company...
Boy: "Dark in here isn’t it?"
Man: "Yes it is"
Boy: "I have a cricket ball"
Man: "That's nice"
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks"
Boy: "My dad's outside"
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "£250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the woman's lover are in the wardrobe together.
Boy: "Dark in here"
Man: "Yes, it is"
Boy: "I have a cricket bat"
Man: "That's nice"
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks"
Boy: "I'll tell"
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "£750"
Man: "Fine"
A few days later, the father says to the boy
"Grab your bat and ball. Let's go outside and have a game of cricket!"
The boy says, "I can't, I sold them"
The father asks "How much did you sell them for?"
Son: "£1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible, to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says "Dark in here."
The priest says ..........
"Don't start THAT again."
|
|
May 2020
7:53pm, 19 May 2020
8,156 posts
|
GordonG
I'd put money on the fact that both the last two jokes were the two ronnies 
|
