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May 2020
9:42pm, 13 May 2020
48,516 posts
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Diogenes
Ah, now I do. ☹️
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May 2020
9:44pm, 13 May 2020
41,692 posts
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Derby Tup
You’ve not been missing much
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May 2020
10:03pm, 13 May 2020
11,435 posts
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Markymarkmark
3000! I may adopt that!
Meanwhile... (And yes, cut and paste from elsewhere!l
Donald Trump met with the Queen of England, and he asked her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," replied the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around you are really intelligent?"
The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle."
The Queen pushed a button on her intercom. "Please send Boris Johnson in here, would you?"
The Prime Minster walked into the room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"
The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this, if you would, Boris. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, he answered, "That would be me."
"Yes! Very good," said the Queen.
Trump went back home to ask Mike Pence the same question. “ Mike, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," said Pence. "Let me get back to you on that one." He went to his advisers and asked everyone, but none could give him an answer.
Finally, Pence ran in to his friend Jack Murphy in a restaurant the next night. Pence asked, "Jack, can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Jack Murphy answered right back, "That's easy, it's me!"
Pence smiled, and said, "Thanks!"
Pence then went back to speak with Trump. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle: It's my friend Jack Murphy!"
Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled, "No, you idiot! It's Boris Johnson!"
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May 2020
6:51am, 14 May 2020
17 posts
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dUNKle
Remember getting a job some years ago at local cinema.
I was up on a ladder putting a poster up.
Lady walked by and said 'Is King Kong Coming ?’
I said ‘No it’s just the paste off me brush'
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May 2020
10:18am, 14 May 2020
8,010 posts
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Binks
So glad the government have said I can play golf now. I used to be terrible at it.
-source unknown.
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May 2020
12:26pm, 14 May 2020
6,272 posts
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Sigh
Apparently we can't visit our relatives homes but you can buy and sell houses again. So I've put my house on the market and Mum & Dad are coming for a viewing at 4:30pm.
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May 2020
12:41pm, 14 May 2020
16,415 posts
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Bazoaxe
Thats a good one Sigh.
On a serious note, the neighbours opposite me did a house swap with the parents. The younger couple with kids got the bigger property and the retired couple downsized. I assume some money changed hands as well.
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May 2020
2:17pm, 14 May 2020
2,385 posts
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um
Get them back tomorrow to clean the house Sigh!
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May 2020
2:38pm, 14 May 2020
2,955 posts
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TomahawkMike
I might try that Sigh
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May 2020
1:32pm, 15 May 2020
8,012 posts
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Binks
There's a woman selling batteries in our local park.
Yes, she sells C cells by the see-saw.
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021