Joke of the day........

1 lurker | 502 watchers

Mountkeen 6 Nov 4:13pm, 6 Nov 2024 585 posts	0 Mountkeen There was a health and safety meeting at work today. They asked me, "What steps would you take in the event of a fire?" "F**king big ones" was apparently the wrong answer
Groundhog 6 Nov 5:26pm, 6 Nov 2024 6,602 posts	0 Groundhog A man arrived home drunk and falling over broke a chair. His wife was really upset. "I'm really can't stand this any more, if you come home drunk again I'm leaving you." A few nights later he's at the pub and drink enough to be sick on himself. He asks his friend what to do "My wife will leave me if she sees me like this." His friend has a good idea "Put a £20 note in your pocket and tell her someone else was sick on you and gave you £20 for the cleaning bill." So he goes home and explains to his wife about someone being sick on him and about the £20. She asks him "So why have you got two £20 notes?" He says "Oh, the other one is from the guy who shat in my pants."
Mountkeen 6 Nov 8:45pm, 6 Nov 2024 586 posts	0 Mountkeen My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. That’s ridiculous, I didn’t even know it was her birthday.
Mushroom 7 Nov 8:44am, 7 Nov 2024 3,422 posts	0 Mushroom In 3,026 years, life will either be really good, or really bad. It's 5050.
Sushi 7 Nov 4:11pm, 7 Nov 2024 36,227 posts	0 Sushi @Mushroom 🤦🏻‍♀️
Mountkeen 7 Nov 4:34pm, 7 Nov 2024 587 posts	0 Mountkeen Mamma Mia. A classic ABBA song or a Yorkshire kid telling his mum he's arrived?
richmac 7 Nov 6:28pm, 7 Nov 2024 29,993 posts	0 richmac Mountkeen wrote:Mamma Mia. A classic ABBA song or a Yorkshire kid telling his mum he's arrived? Lucy Beaumont wants her joke back
xt350 🇳🇿 7 Nov 10:11pm, 7 Nov 2024 1,761 posts	0 xt350 🇳🇿 Why did the librarian get kicked off the aeroplane? Coz it was overbooked
mr d 8:58am 8:58am, 8 Nov 2024 6,837 posts	0 mr d A scientist cloned themselves yesterday. A colleague commented "that's just like them".
Mushroom 10:17am 10:17am, 8 Nov 2024 3,424 posts	0 Mushroom I said to a mate, "I don't understand cloning." He said "That makes two of us."