Joke of the day........

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George Smiley Nov 2022 7:26pm, 29 Nov 2022 251 posts	0 George Smiley Do you think Phil could advise me about whether I must have baked potatoes this evening?
mr d Nov 2022 9:16pm, 29 Nov 2022 6,041 posts	0 mr d President Zelensky up against King Charles for Time’s Person of the Year, as panellists struggle to choose between leading a country against a barbaric invasion and being the eldest of four siblings.
Jock Itch Dec 2022 12:15pm, 1 Dec 2022 13,795 posts	0 Jock Itch I just called the paranoia hotline. A guy answered: “How the hell did you get this number?”
Jock Itch Dec 2022 12:17pm, 1 Dec 2022 13,796 posts	0 Jock Itch Just got hospitalized due to a hide and seek accident. They put me in the ICU.
Steve NordRunner Dec 2022 11:23pm, 1 Dec 2022 2,313 posts	0 Steve NordRunner I started gabbling incomprehensible Scottish poetry; they put me in the Burns Unit.
mr d Dec 2022 12:14am, 2 Dec 2022 6,045 posts	0 mr d I was at my grandad's funeral the other day. It was a bit dull, so I whispered, "Any chance of the wifi password, Vicar?". He said, "Have you no respect for the dead?". I said' "Is that lowercase or uppercase?"
Muttley Dec 2022 8:53am, 2 Dec 2022 2,062 posts	0 Muttley I started gabbling incomprehensible Scottish poetry; they put me in the Burns Unit. Reminds me of an old favourite ... Mary has had 6 kids and is feeling a little loose "down there". She books into a cosmetic surgery clinic to have a nip and tuck. When she's taken back to her room after the operation she finds two large bouquets of flowers. The nurse takes the card from the first bouquet and reports that it's from her husband, who loves her very much and can't wait for her to be back home. The nurse picks up the card with the second bouquet. This is from Joe in the burns unit, she says: He's thrilled with his new ears.
DocM Dec 2022 7:52am, 3 Dec 2022 46,819 posts	0 DocM Someone’s replaced my passport photo with a picture of a seasonal fruit and marzipan cake... I think my identity’s been stollen…
DocM Dec 2022 7:52am, 3 Dec 2022 46,820 posts	0 DocM BREAKING :A thief has been stealing Christmas jumpers in order of size... Police spokesperson said he’s still at large...
DocM Dec 2022 7:52am, 3 Dec 2022 46,821 posts	0 DocM I'm bringing out a version of the Band Aid song... ‘Duvet Know It's Christmas?’ It's a cover...