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Oct 2019
8:58pm, 2 Oct 2019
7,839 posts
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GordonG
my Daz1927 sat nav is rubbish. Turned it on but apparently there'll be no directions for the next 6 weeks until his latest ban ends
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Oct 2019
9:42pm, 2 Oct 2019
1,662 posts
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Mark J
My dick may not be 12 inches long but I can assure you all it certainly smells like a foot.
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Oct 2019
9:53pm, 2 Oct 2019
40,817 posts
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Diogenes
My Daz1927 is brilliant, it tells everyone where to go.
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Oct 2019
10:05pm, 2 Oct 2019
5,598 posts
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daz1927
I pushed the boat out on my wife's birthday.
She should be in the middle of the North Sea by the time the sleeping tablets wear off.
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Oct 2019
10:09pm, 2 Oct 2019
5,599 posts
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daz1927
My recent appointment at a London sperm bank turned out to be unsuccessful as I missed the tube.
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Oct 2019
10:14pm, 2 Oct 2019
5,600 posts
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daz1927
Fetch must've hired my wife as a moderator.
Why else would talking about sex be banned?
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Oct 2019
11:12pm, 2 Oct 2019
4,550 posts
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Sigh
EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS TO LICHFIELD COUNCIL FROM
THE CRESCENT BONEY HAY TENANTS
Extracts from letters written by housing tenants:
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3.. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6.. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen...
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife...
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
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Oct 2019
3:38pm, 3 Oct 2019
389 posts
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Mountkeen
Bad news for dyslexics.
On 27th October, your cocks go black.
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Oct 2019
9:25pm, 3 Oct 2019
5,601 posts
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daz1927
I heard Facebook had published a list of 71 genders but when I looked there were only 70.
Someone's hidden a gender, if you ask me.
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Oct 2019
9:47pm, 3 Oct 2019
5,602 posts
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daz1927
I went to go to the Vagina museum but accidentally went into the building next door.
The place was a shit hole.
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021
