|
Feb 2012
8:47am, 2 Feb 2012
7,356 posts
|
runner duck
oh mulbs, that is so hard. fetchie support will be here when you need it ((()))
i have a friend who says her daughters' teenage years were the worst of her life and they didn't actually do anything particularly bad.
my son started being teenagerish at about 7 and by the time he was 17 he'd perfected the role. rarely coming out of his room, an angry grunting neanderthal who's only activity was gaming. the frustration of not knowing how to deal with it and always seeming to get it wrong.
daughter was a delight til 16 (apart from never doing homework) then we suddenly moved into the unsuitable boyfriend, never coming home, threatening to leave home, being dragged back from the bus stop with her bags packed, etc etc. that's all calmed down a lot a year on but there are still a lot of issues around never being home, college attendance etc. part of the problem is anxiety on my part. it took her brother 5 years to get from gcse to university. i can't face that again. plus the fact he was lucky in that he did a btec so when he came back to do a'levels a bit later the college let him study for free by him having to sign on and bringing the documentation. she's already on her second year of a levels but is doing all as levels again. they're not going to let her keep chopping and changing.
and now she says she can't come skiing with us next week because of missing college. if she hadn't skived so much it wouldn't really be a problem. but she's sitting there being all plausible and mature and i'm thinking, i don't trust you to be working hard while we are away, and i don't trust you not to be thinking 'party time'. but then i know she really loves skiing, so is it really that she's worried because her teachers are on her back? and there is a particular finance exam that's coming up that will be useful for her business stuff and she'll miss the 5 hours of lectures for it if she comes...
i really wish i'd managed to book the hols in the right week rather than guessing because the college hadn't decided their term dates yet when i booked. and thinking oh well it will be straight after as exams and they won't really be doing anything anyway. wrong!!! so i'm very cross with myself too!!
apologies, everyone, this became a thinking exercise! and i've realised i need to explain to her why she can't take 5 years like her brother did (she was citing his example last night!).
|
|
Feb 2012
9:09am, 2 Feb 2012
7,357 posts
|
runner duck
oh b*llox, and i've just realised that i won't have access to her hair straighteners if she doesn't come!
|
|
Feb 2012
9:19am, 2 Feb 2012
4,982 posts
|
richmac
Mulbs you need to investigate your local alchol/drugs advisory service and get support/advice from them. Remember your not alone in this.
|
|
Feb 2012
9:27am, 2 Feb 2012
10,898 posts
|
HellsBells
Mulbs - speak to your GP - you'll need to get him registered at the surgery anyway. They'll be able to point you in the direction of the local drug and alcohol teams and the CAMH services, though I'm afraid that if he won't engage voluntarily there's very little you or anyone can do
|
|
Feb 2012
9:29am, 2 Feb 2012
13,011 posts
|
Pestomum
is 18 technically adult for some things?
|
|
Feb 2012
10:09am, 2 Feb 2012
2,405 posts
|
SarahWoo
Strength to you, mulbs - I'm sure you will need to offload so we'll be here when you need us. 
Know exactly what you mean about going away, RD. I've got a similar problem with a holiday at Easter. Our 17 and 18 year olds won't be coming with us and have been left at home alone before without a problem.
However, the 15 year old is refusing to come and I really don't think I can leave her at home too - she's not as trustworthy as the other two. So now I'm faced with trying to force her to go and having to spend a week away with a recalcitrant teenager or not going at all or taking the risk of leaving her. Hey ho!
|
|
Feb 2012
10:16am, 2 Feb 2012
6,034 posts
|
Son of a Pronator Man
My son will be 20 in a few weeks time and I havent had a blazing arguement with him since Christmas. Maybe there is an end to the teenage thing in sight.
|
|
Feb 2012
10:44am, 2 Feb 2012
19,164 posts
|
Velociraptor
We were saying a day or two ago that it's going to come as SUCH a shock if Tink (currently almost 14) goes off the rails, because although she's loud and strong she has never really given us any bother and she's totally WYSIWYG.
Mulbs, that sounds dreadful. Do you actually HAVE to take him in, with him being 18? I'd advise that his continued presence under your roof certainly ought to be conditional upon acceptable behaviour and co-operation with professional services where appropriate, otherwise he won't be any better off and you and your OH will be torn to shreds.
|
|
Feb 2012
11:19am, 2 Feb 2012
4,923 posts
|
mulbs
Vrap am fully expecting being torn to emotional shreds unfortunately. OH is on his way to step-son's college who say they are absolutely evicting him today, his mum is flatly refusing to take him back even temporarily. As it stands if he doesn't come here (which he might not want to given there will be a feck-load of boundaries) then he will be sleeping homeless. I have a whole heap of concerns - for him, for me, for my marriage, for my 8-y-o and 12-y-o, forthe impact on my business (work full time from home in a job that requires a lot of concentration) - but if it was one of my own sons I would be doing exactly whaty OH is and desperately trying to help rather than just feeling sick about it. God I sound like a bitch! Poor kid can't be in a happy place just now and I DO want to help, it just scares me.
Thanks all for suppport
|
|
Feb 2012
2:14pm, 2 Feb 2012
7,359 posts
|
runner duck
you really don't sound like a bitch, mulbs!! i think richmac's advice is good - get all the support you can.
sw, is there a grandparent who could come and stay? we've done that before.
|
