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Feb 2012
5:02pm, 8 Feb 2012
3,064 posts
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Shin-Twigs
thanks guys.
I'm too overprotective i reckon. I've told him he's got to talk to his dad and then we can decide together
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Feb 2012
5:03pm, 8 Feb 2012
3,605 posts
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Trin
Let him go but set some ground rules (explain to him that it's for his safety and your peace of mind).
When my 18 year old daughter goes to Northampton (we live in Bristol) I have a rule that she sends me a text when she is on each train and when she arrives. That's going and coming home.
She rarely texts me while she's in Northampton because she's with her BF and I've met him and know she's ok, but with your Son it might be worth him maybe sending you a text once or twice while he's away, just so you don't worry.
It's tough (for us as parents) the first few times they go off on their own, but they're learning life skills 
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Feb 2012
5:04pm, 8 Feb 2012
19,238 posts
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Velociraptor
FWIW, ST, my oldest was getting herself around the country independently before that age, and my second daughter, who is 15, also manages to shake herself out of her habitual state of apparent ditziness to make long journeys by public transport to visit friends off t'internet and her boyfriend who lives in Basingstoke (though they normally meet at her dad's in Birmingham).
So I would say trust him, let him go with your blessing, assure him that you'll rescue him without recrimination if he runs into any difficulties provided he hasn't committed acts of wilful stupidity, and ask him if he wants you to buy him some condoms next time you're shopping.
The first time is the most difficult, I promise. It does get easier to trust teenagers to keep themselves safe when they're out of your sight.
I have to confess that I told Fellmouse she couldn't go to a rock festival in July, when she'll have just turned 16, and live rough with her heavy metal buddies there for a couple of days (at 16, she could of course just go anyway, but she needs me to buy her ticket) because I'm not confident that she's capable of keeping safe and out of trouble in that situation. She's tiny, and extremely pretty, and very intelligent but totally unstreetwise. If she shows signs of sufficient maturity by then, I'm open to changing my mind. If Tink, who's nearly 14, presented me with a similar request, I'd be less reluctant, because Tink is a far more grounded person.
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Feb 2012
5:11pm, 8 Feb 2012
2,458 posts
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SarahWoo
The dinosaur speaks wisely, I reckon.
Our eldest two were making their way around the country for social stuff from 16 onwards.
Talk to the girls' parents if it would make you feel better.
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Feb 2012
9:44am, 9 Feb 2012
76 posts
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Autumnleaves
Our two (14 & 17) travel to grandparents by public transport - I think it's good for them but we were nervous at first. I find this whole issue an interesting one, I do instinctively feel a bit 'too young' at times about my own two - but then remind myself that I used to travel to France and back each summer at their ages to stay with friends involving about 16 hours of train and ferry and train again - and of course with no mobile phones! It taught me a lot about self-reliance, not panicking (and staying awake!!) Agree with SW that if lurking at the back of your mind is 'whole thing could be elaborate plot' it's not unreasonable to have an address and a chat with the parents beforehand. My daughter has made a best buddy through Twitter who lives in London, and who we met briefly when I took her down to see Wicked in December. She is a sweet girl, they have lots in common - the way people meet these days is changing and I guess as parents we have to try and keep up and adapt our rules accordingly?
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Feb 2012
10:04am, 9 Feb 2012
26,982 posts
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Toks
Omg my daughter is 11 going on 21 me thinks, the mood swings had started since she was 8, she is getting worse she has been demanding a blackberry phone which I have declined and said capital NO so she is soooooooooo unhappy about it, daddy wants to give in but I have said on no circumstances he is to buy her the phone!
Then she mentioned a statement that really shocked me, if she does not have good things she will not have any friends! I said they are not your friends then, you need to make new ones that like you for who you are, not material things that you have got!
It has been an atmosphere since she started yr 7 and I am worried what teenager she is going to be like if this continues....,....help and advice pls!!
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Feb 2012
10:16am, 9 Feb 2012
9,382 posts
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Meglet
phones are pretty normal for 11 yo's and its how they communicate. However, we were pretty clear that our oldest didn't get a phone until just before she finished primary school, and then didn't take it to school, they really don't need a phone at primary school. Its ok to have one for senior school as she goes on the bus. Set some ground rules, start with a relatively cheap one and IF she can use it responsibly and not lose it then you can consider a blackberry later! Mini1 has been good with hers, left it once on the bus but got it back, not gone over the limit (O2 do unlimited texts and cheap tariffs ). she now has one of our old iPhones and is happy with it, despite wanting a blackberry originally
Mini2 is 10 and now has an iPod touch, as do all her friends so they can message. its not allowed to go to school. she told me today someone had been sending messages she didn't like so I'll monitor it closely and will speak to parents if necessary.
Its all about balance. don't give her a phone just cos she's demanding it, same with clothes/shoes/schoolbags or whatever it is. however if they get it as a gift/surprise/reward they do treasure it more. perhaps you could say if her behaviour improves she could have a phone later?
On the flip side, a friend's daughter (age 12) was getting bullied for not having a blackberry. eventually parents gave in and all of a sudden she's fitting in and making friends.
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Feb 2012
10:18am, 9 Feb 2012
19,242 posts
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Velociraptor
Oh, dear, Toks
"Everyone else has one and they'll all point and laugh at me if I don't," is something most kids say to their parents at some point to try to blackmail them into giving in. If you've told her know, and told her why, you have to stick to that, but maybe negotiate a time in the future when she *could* have a Blackberry provided her school performance/behaviour at home are acceptable.
My youngest daughter got a Blackberry on a contract at what I thought of as a relatively early age - I think it was for her 12th birthday - but the deal was that if she got this she wouldn't be getting a laptop computer like each of her siblings did at some point in their teens. She has accepted this. I do have to pull her up for overshooting her text allocation from time to time!
The mood stuff has to be sat out. She can't help it. It always passes.
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Feb 2012
10:28am, 9 Feb 2012
26,983 posts
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Toks
She has a iPod touch, I just worry that she addicted to screen, screen time needs to be monitored!
I have already told her when she passes her A level with flying colours, she will have one! She has already got sames shoes and school bags as the whole school, I just don't like too much copying everybody else!
Thanks for the advice, when she is told no to things she wants, she gets angry with her siblings and ex communicates the whole house, pretty awful really and her sister comes to tell me what is wrong with, I just say she is just upset because mummy has said no to what she wants and she will calm down in her own time!
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Feb 2012
10:34am, 9 Feb 2012
77 posts
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Autumnleaves
Sympathies Toks - we had decided to leave phones until teens but then had disastrous day when mis-communication between myself & OH led to her being abandoned near school for 2 hours, all of which would have been solved by her having access to a phone! She started with my old ones when I upgraded, then last year I got her a Blackberry on contract, which she loves and has been very good with. Got son an HTC iphone lookalike for his 14th birthday - he rarely uses it for communication, mostly music and media stuff. He could have had one earlier but never asked. Both lose access to their phones on occasion for poor behaviour!!
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