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Support thread for parents of teenagers

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kaysdee Jan 2021 9:30am, 8 Jan 2021 148 posts	0 kaysdee It is both reassuring and not that most are experiencing the same things. I’ve mentioned before, but I have had to play strict hardball. Phone removed from room and parental controls to cut off pc access at midnight. She has nothing else to do so does then go to sleep and I’ve been setting her alarm for 8.30 (!) so she can roughly follow the remote learning timetable. I know I wouldn’t get away with that if she were a couple of years older! S13 is still awake in the early hours (discovered he hadn’t been taking his melatonin but he says it makes no difference anyway) but does get up when I wake him. They both wear pj’s for days on end and since I’m working right near the bathroom, I know neither has brushed their teeth for at least 3 days! It is definitely easier to deal with when you can be out of the house, but 5 people cooped up together all day does lead to an increase in irritation. I hate that cycle you mention HP (experienced many times!) and have seen many memes about it.
halfpint Jan 2021 9:56am, 8 Jan 2021 33,820 posts	0 halfpint Thanks everyone. I know it's all 'normal' teenage stuff but it doesn't make it any less frustrating to deal with. I appreciate being able to vent here so I don't throw all of his stuff in the bin or yell at him or, you know, kill him.
kaysdee Jan 2021 10:06am, 8 Jan 2021 149 posts	0 kaysdee Absolutely. It doesn’t make it any less frustrating. Don’t they say that’s why nature engineered kids and young animals to be so cute so that their parents didn’t kill them? 😉 I’m probably emotionally damaging my kids for life, but my big thing these days is to reinforce to them that I may be their parent, but I am a person too and I also have feelings.
halfpint Jan 2021 10:10am, 8 Jan 2021 33,823 posts	0 halfpint Surely nature needs to keep them a bit cuter for a bit longer. Or do you think that by the time they are 18 we are supposed to be so invested in them we wouldn't clobber them round the head with the manky walking boot they always leave under a chair in the kitchen?
sallykate Jan 2021 10:33am, 8 Jan 2021 7,339 posts	0 sallykate My daughter (15) has the same tendencies but this time round has started asking me to make sure she's up in the morning - not the same time as on a usual school day but certainly earlier than her natural wake time would be. And she's started going to bed earlier too, which is great because I like to get an early night sometimes but it's a bit pointless if someone's still clattering around and keeping me awake (we're in a flat so the kitchen's next to our bedroom). I still have to remind her to get out of her sleep clothes each day, and the kitchen can be a bit of a battleground as she likes to cook but hasn't quite got the knack of tidying up. Husband had a spell working in a professional kitchen so is super-tidy in that respect and doesn't understand why she can't be as tidy as he is. HP it must be difficult for you having, as you say, got used to being on your own. I hope you can persuade QP to make things a bit easier, it's basic respect to be quiet at night or leave enough hot water for someone else to use.
mrs shanksi Jan 2021 10:50am, 8 Jan 2021 11,817 posts	0 mrs shanksi Yes it must be harder once you've got used to being on your own. We had an easier few weeks when our teen was in Edinburgh but he came home. Five people in the house all the time can be a struggle. My teen says all his friends are up late on their computers and that's when he socialises. I have a lot of sympathy for all the teens, but also the parents. We have just struggled through both of them having online exams, and our eldest was doing assignments which count towards his finals. I don't like witnessing the stress meltdowns! It just stresses me out too, much easier when he was living away from home.
DocM Jan 2021 11:08am, 8 Jan 2021 39,102 posts	0 DocM its the friends thing that keeps mine up too. They are generally good at keeping sensible hours but they really need whatever social life they can get too and as it has moved to solely on line gaming I try to be sympathetic
WA Jan 2021 11:14am, 8 Jan 2021 8,096 posts	0 WA Same here DocM. Both attend their online lessons and complete the work set, but then get chatting to friends later in the evening, playing online games with friends etc. As long as they get up when they need to and do the work, I try not to worry too much about what time they're going to bed.
mrs shanksi Jan 2021 11:30am, 8 Jan 2021 11,818 posts	0 mrs shanksi Yes it's online games here too. He has an active discord thingy with the physics students who he seems to have clicked with. Also his girlfriend is there in her own 'window'. I come in to the room and say hello to her and wave at the computer screen. Life is strange these days.
kaysdee Jan 2021 1:10pm, 8 Jan 2021 151 posts	0 kaysdee That’s the key thing I guess. I don’t mind her being online late if she does what she’s supposed to during the day, but she’s not doing her school work. Even taking her access away at midnight, she is still online for apx 14 hours a day! 😳