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Dec 2020
2:16pm, 8 Dec 2020
33,438 posts
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halfpint of mulled cider
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Dec 2020
5:42pm, 8 Dec 2020
7,955 posts
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CStar
DS2 finally off to consultation on his mental health tomorrow. Low esteem and low level depression allied to High Functioning Autism means that we are dleighted that he has finally agreed to see someone to try and help him with some coping techniques. When he is with his friends on or off line, he is absolutely fine, but the rest of the time he just mopes about. Hates school work, but quite likes being at schoool with his friends. Not sure how much is him and how much is just 'being a typical grunting, hormonal, teenage boy'. Hopefully we'll find out and have a way to support him. He's lovely underneath, but has been by far the most challenging of the 4 as a teen.
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Dec 2020
5:44pm, 8 Dec 2020
43,164 posts
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LindsD
Glad you are getting some support.
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Dec 2020
8:28pm, 8 Dec 2020
7,049 posts
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TeeBee
Fingers crossed for you CStar.
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Dec 2020
8:44pm, 8 Dec 2020
7,935 posts
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Winter WAnderland
Hope the consultation 8s helpful for you all
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Dec 2020
9:44pm, 8 Dec 2020
33,444 posts
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halfpint of mulled cider
CStar I wonder what is about being with friends that is different. Is he masking with them or is there something about that which helps him cope. Bugger, sorry, I need to take the work hat off occasionally.
ION I received a picture earlier from QP of a plate of food. One of his flat mates has cooked them a Christmas dinner of sorts. There seemed to be roast chicken and beef, pigs in blankets, roast spuds and Yorkies.
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Dec 2020
11:11pm, 10 Dec 2020
543 posts
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Cheeky the Snowman’s Dad
Cheeky is out of his latest period of self-isolation and back to sixth form tomorrow... for one whole day! before the school is shut due to the Welsh Government lockdown on Monday. Teaching will go online - except of course for the subject he wants to do at uni, for which he hasn’t had a single minute of online teaching since all this began. Sigh!
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Dec 2020
7:16am, 11 Dec 2020
43,233 posts
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LindsD
How frustrating
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Jan 2021
1:45pm, 1 Jan 2021
140 posts
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kaysdee
Still not heard from school, so I assume it is an extension of school holidays rather than remote learning for mine.
Had to have a serious discussion with D15 about her lack of involvement with anything other than the computer and online friends. She woke me up for the second time this week at 3.10am yesterday (the other time was 3.50) going to the loo as she has no grace and it wouldn’t be logical to open and close doors quietly in the middle of the night, would it? I was still awake 2 hours later and came downstairs in a fury to try to sleep on the sofa.
Admittedly, I’m a terrible sleeper between my own disturbed sleep from stupid dreams and OH getting up multiple times a night and his snoring, but as these things do, the lecture evolved into her not doing any school work or helping in the house. She has self isolation down to a fine art and I literally only see her when she’s getting food.
She wasn’t being snarky as she really is the most carefree spirit (!) but she accused me of being passive aggressive (I am 😉) when she asked if she had any clean underwear. I replied I didn’t know and asked if she’d done any of her laundry over the past 2 months. Her - “Um, no”. Me “That sucks for you then”. That’s when she said with a smile, “Wow, that was passive aggressive”.
So, it’ll probably end up the same as a month ago when I strongly expressed that I was at breaking point and I needed her help. All I’ve asked is that she cooks one a week (which would just be pasta), does her own laundry, shares the dishes with S13 and does her revision. I know that might sound like a lot, but I’ve always pushed the kids to be independent (she’d been doing her own ironing since she was 11 until OH stupidly took it over (badly) when I went back to work almost 3 years ago). I moved out of home when I was 16/17, so I know that clouds things for me as I just had to do things and I have always been “capable”. My expectations might be too high as I don’t want to bring them up just expecting someone else to take care of things. I hope some of what I said sunk in. I did tell her I know things are so messed up and it’s really hard for kids everywhere, but I did love her and I know she’ll be internally rolling her eyes at her crazy mother, but that I just wanted the best for her (re: revision)
Anyway, I’ve set parental controls on her PC and told her I gave her the chance to self regulate with her mobile, but she clearly can’t resist, so I’ll have to take it overnight. It can go in S13’s “other room” that is locked overnight as he has insomnia with Asperger’s and would also be up all night if left to his own devices (he’s allowed books, pens/paper and some Lego type toys and all his fidget “things” as I know first hand sleep issues are awful). It’s horrible having to be the bad guy all the time due to OH’s inability to parent and sad that on the rare occasion that I am relaxed that they view that as an extraordinary event.
Wow, I must have needed that rant. I do feel more hopeful now and hope that she has heard me this time 😃
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Jan 2021
2:01pm, 1 Jan 2021
598 posts
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Cheeky’s Dad
I feel for you Kaysdee, as I’m sure every Teen Parent will. Cheeky is 17 but what you say rings very true in this house too. I think most teenagers are very self-absorbed and this generation definitely lives in the online sphere in a way that doesn’t really make sense to me but it has been a sanity-saver for him at many points this year. I don’t know how he would have coped with lockdown with the lack of intact with his mates that we would have had when I was his age. It’s very hard to stand back & watch them blindly stumbling into issues But in the end we all have to learn and the hard way is often the most effective. When Cheeky drives me mad I try to concentrate on the great things about him (and there are many) rather than the things which are less so and to remember that I was just as much of a nightmare as teenager, though sometimes in different ways.
You love and you are doing the best you can. Remember to cut yourself some slack too
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