Joke of the day........

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Seratonin Mar 2023 9:20pm, 24 Mar 2023 42,570 posts	0 Seratonin Our local auctioneer has passed away. He was somewhere around 30? 35? 35? 40. 😂
Dillthedog Mar 2023 8:29pm, 25 Mar 2023 4,610 posts	0 Dillthedog I really hope that Elon Musk never gets investigated over anything as Elongate would be really dragged out
Stander Mar 2023 11:38am, 27 Mar 2023 116 posts	0 Stander Ann summers have announced that they are going to start selling a larger flavoured gel that is 5.3% alcohol for women to rub on their privates to encourage men to perform oral sex. Campaigners have condemned this for fears it will lead to 24 hour minge drinking.
Stander Mar 2023 11:43am, 27 Mar 2023 117 posts	0 Stander This is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. Guts:- Arriving home late from a night our with the boys, being met at the door by your wife wielding a broom and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying off somewhere?" Balls:- Arriving home late from a night out with the boys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say "You'r next chubby". However, the outcome for both is the same. Fatal.
Treborstreet Mar 2023 11:10pm, 31 Mar 2023 180 posts	0 Treborstreet Just in the queue at Tesco and Diana Ross tried to push in… I said ‘you can’t hurry love, you’ll just have to wait’
Steve NordRunner Mar 2023 11:22pm, 31 Mar 2023 2,829 posts	0 Steve NordRunner I caught that Paul Young shoplifting when I worked on the meat counter. I said: every time you go away you take a piece of meat with you. He denied it, of course, saying it was another geezer, and anyway “it was just a little bit of your heart”
Jason1969 Apr 2023 10:58am, 1 Apr 2023 12,944 posts	0 Jason1969 My nickname in the 80's was drugs. Because every time I asked a girl out, she'd just say no.
The Terminator Apr 2023 12:09pm, 1 Apr 2023 9,179 posts	0 The Terminator During a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, Bono asked the audience for total quiet. Then in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands. Once every few seconds. Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone "Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies." From the front of the crowd, a broad Scottish accent pierced the quiet: "Well fuckin' stop doin' it then ya evil bastard!"
Diogenes Apr 2023 3:32pm, 2 Apr 2023 77,829 posts	0 Diogenes These days Paul Young has a huge property portfolio, but it all began with just one carelessly discarded hat.
Jock Itch Apr 2023 9:47pm, 2 Apr 2023 13,871 posts	0 Jock Itch Dung beetle walks into a bar.... “Is this stool taken?”