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May 2022
1:58pm, 26 May 2022
9,087 posts
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GordonG
I told my optician that I was having problems seeing things in the distance.
He took me outside and said "what's that in the sky?"
"It's the sun"
"Well just how far do want to see then?"
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May 2022
3:58pm, 26 May 2022
739 posts
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Silent Runner
My optician is a pessimist. He sells spectacle frames with only one lens. His glasses are always half empty.
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May 2022
4:28pm, 26 May 2022
18,774 posts
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richmac
I was worried about getting some sort of medium to store my contact lenses in overnight, then the optician gave me some fluid to use.
I said "That's the solution"
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May 2022
5:44am, 27 May 2022
742 posts
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Silent Runner
As I browse this thread, I sight a worrying trend for ocular puns. But don’t fret, in a while they’ll be gone.
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May 2022
7:34am, 27 May 2022
18,782 posts
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richmac
My glasses suffer from poor mental health, this manifests itself as the arms coming off .
That's right, they've become unhinged.
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May 2022
10:36am, 27 May 2022
13,659 posts
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Jock Itch
I went to my optician recently and he told me that I was colour-blind. Now that was a bolt from the yellow.
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May 2022
10:37am, 27 May 2022
13,660 posts
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Jock Itch
What is a Glaswegian’s favourite song of all time?
Aye of the Tiger.
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May 2022
10:37am, 27 May 2022
34,283 posts
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Old Croc
I phoned my optician and he said that he couldn't see me until next Tuesday.
Not exactly filling me with confidence that.
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May 2022
10:38am, 27 May 2022
70,143 posts
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Diogenes
How do you make a Venetian blind?
Poke him in the eyes!
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May 2022
10:40am, 27 May 2022
70,144 posts
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Diogenes
A bloke goes to an optician carrying a violin case. The optician sits him down at his desk and asks " before I test your eyes do you have anything concerning you ? ". The bloke puts the violin case on the table and snaps it open and inside there is a shit the length of the case and nearly as wide.
The optician jumps up and screams " You dirty bastard ,get out of my fucking office and take that with you " the bloke casually says " I did that " . The optician says " you did that ?, its a fucking doctor you want not an optician, now fuck off out" . The bloke says " you don't understand... every time I do one of them , my eyes water"
Billy Connolly
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021