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Mar 2020
10:38am, 11 Mar 2020
13,659 posts
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richmac
Groantastic gold, proper rolled my eyes at nicholls
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Mar 2020
11:02am, 11 Mar 2020
46,010 posts
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Diogenes
My wife told me: ‘Sex is better on holiday.’ That wasn’t a nice postcard to receive.
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Mar 2020
12:55pm, 11 Mar 2020
2,434 posts
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B Rubble
Arsenal players to self-isolate as a precautionary measure, following the example set by Tottenham’s defenders in the Champions League.
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Mar 2020
1:32pm, 11 Mar 2020
13,661 posts
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richmac
The guy who does the driving on the lift share scheme isn't too well....
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Mar 2020
3:09pm, 11 Mar 2020
First-time poster!!
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Just Here For The Beer
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, level may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”
The British have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
The virus has been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Irish have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let's Get the Bastard.” They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”
The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from “No worries” to “She'll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
Too soon?
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Mar 2020
3:38pm, 11 Mar 2020
38,604 posts
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Derby Tup
Long first post 
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Mar 2020
3:53pm, 11 Mar 2020
23,486 posts
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fetcheveryone
The seventies called, they want their national stereotypes back.
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Mar 2020
3:58pm, 11 Mar 2020
13,664 posts
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richmac
Not really a surprise from this 'first time poster 'though is it.
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Mar 2020
4:39pm, 11 Mar 2020
3,575 posts
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Fizz :-)
Oh, yes, I think you’re right, rich.
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Mar 2020
5:11pm, 11 Mar 2020
34,421 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
[He's back! He's going through all the levels from Sitter, to Squatter and may move back to being Runner one day. But we'll possibly never see his original Name again. G]
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