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Dec 2020
10:47am, 13 Dec 2020
43,323 posts
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LindsD
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Dec 2020
10:56am, 13 Dec 2020
8,537 posts
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BaronessBL
Dolly Messiter couldn't wait to get home and telephone her friend Madeleine Harvey. "I saw them again," she said "In the station buffet, they both looked terribly guilty when they saw me. Now you know I'm not one to gossip dear but I thought you should know and did I tell you about the Lawsons at number 25 - my dear it was shocking........"
Madeleine let Dolly witter on without really listening as she wondered what she was going to say to Alec when he got home. She decided she would pack his clothes for him and tell him to leave then and there. She'd take the boys to her mother's. Maybe she'd go back to nursing which she'd enjoyed - it was how she met Alec, such a charming young doctor he'd been then although she had known about his reputation even then. She didn't care where he went - after all it wasn't the first time he'd done this. She casually wondered what this Laura woman was like. A trollop probably. Well he could clear off - Madeleine was furious now - let him go with this Laura woman if he wanted to. She didn't care what he did. If he went to - oh somewhere like Africa it wouldn't be far enough.....
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Dec 2020
10:59am, 13 Dec 2020
21,038 posts
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Angus Clydesdale
Nice one BBL. Turns out the smut wasn't only in her eye...!!
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Dec 2020
11:30am, 13 Dec 2020
3,357 posts
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Good King Pothunter
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Fortunately for him the King’s men were waiting to catch him as they’d seen him sitting there and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to work out where this was going.
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Dec 2020
11:37am, 13 Dec 2020
237 posts
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SjohnA
“The Grinch’s submarine slammed two torpedoes into her side, Chief. We was comin’ back from Lapland. We’d just delivered the presents. The Christmas presents. Eleven hundred men went into the water. Vessel went down in 12 minutes.
Didn’t see the first reindeer for about a half-hour. Red nosed. 4-footer. You know how you know that in the water, Chief? You can tell by lookin’ from the red glowing nose to the tail. What we didn’t know, was that our Santa mission was so secret, no distress signal had been sent. They didn’t even list us overdue till New Years Day. Very first light, Chief, reindeers come cruisin’ by, so we formed ourselves into tight groups. It was sorta like you see in the calendars, you know the infantry squares in the old advent calendars like the Battle of Waterloo and the idea was the reindeer come to the nearest man, that man he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and sometimes that reindeer he go away… but sometimes he wouldn’t go away.
Sometimes that reindeer looks right at ya. Right into your eyes. And the thing about a reindeer is he’s got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t even seem to be livin’… ’til he bites ya, and that red nose glows and then… ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin’. The ocean turns red, and despite all your poundin’ and your hollerin’ those reindeers come in and… they rip you to pieces.
You know by the end of that first dawn, lost a hundred men. I don’t know how many reindeer there were, maybe eight. I do know how many men, they averaged six an hour. Boxing Day mornin’, Chief, I bumped into a friend of mine, Herbie Robinson from Cleveland. Baseball player. Boson’s mate. I thought he was asleep. I reached over to wake him up. He bobbed up, down in the water, he was like a kinda top. Upended. Well, he’d been bitten in half below the waist.
At noon on the fifth day, a Lockheed Ventura swung in low and he spotted us, a young pilot, lot younger than Mr. Hooper here, anyway he spotted us and a few hours later a big ol’ fat PBY come down and started to pick us up. You know that was the time I was most frightened. Waitin’ for my turn. I’ll never put on a lifejacket again. So, eleven hundred men went into the water. 316 men come out, the sharks took the rest, December the 25th, 1945.
Anyway, we delivered the presents.”
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Dec 2020
11:39am, 13 Dec 2020
55,738 posts
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Diogenes
[an old one]
Mary and Joseph knock arrive at the Bethlehem Travelodge.
“Do you have a room available?” asks Joseph.
The receptionist gives them a big smile, taking in Mary’s condition.
“Of course we do, it’s not like it’s Christmas or anything, not yet anyway. I’ll put you in our maternity suite.”
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Dec 2020
11:50am, 13 Dec 2020
18,919 posts
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🎄FestiveMedals🎄
As Iris was summonsed to the gathering, the editor announced she was going to have a very special part to play in an upcoming news story. Jasper got on one knee in front of all the gathered employees and told Iris how sorry he was that it had taken this long to realise how he felt about her and the reason he hadn't been able to give her a gift in return for that 1st Edition book she'd just gifted to him, was because his gift to her was a ring [he opens the box and reveals a diamond and sapphire engagement ring]; she was his one true love and would she marry him. She accepted and they lived happily ever after because it turned out that Jasper wasn't such a ba$t**d after all.
Meanwhile in LA, Amanda threw a few more things around, stamped her feet in anger and practised crying but she never did shed any real tears.
This is a very short film and had to change its title as a result of the plot twist....
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Dec 2020
11:59am, 13 Dec 2020
50,380 posts
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Velocirappingpaper
... if Mr. Knightley should really--if he does not mind the disparity, I hope, dear Miss Woodhouse, you will not set yourself against it, and try to put difficulties in the way. But you are too good for that, I am sure."
Harriet was standing at one of the windows. Emma turned round to look at her in consternation, and hastily said,
"Have you any idea of Mr. Knightley's returning your affection?"
"Yes," replied Harriet modestly, but not fearfully, "I must say that I have."
Emma's eyes were instantly withdrawn; and she sat silently meditating, in a fixed attitude, for a few minutes. A few minutes were sufficient for making her acquainted with her own heart. A mind like hers, once opening to suspicion, made rapid progress. She touched - she admitted - she acknowledged the whole truth. Why was it so much worse that Harriet should be in love with Mr. Knightley, than with Frank Churchill? Why was the evil so dreadfully increased by Harriet's having some hope of a return? It darted through her, with the speed of an arrow, that Harriet must marry no one but herself!
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Dec 2020
12:17pm, 13 Dec 2020
186 posts
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gribb0
Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, “and what is the use of a book,” thought Alice “without pictures or conversations?”
So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.
There was nothing so very remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so very much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to itself, “Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late!” (when she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually took a watch out of its waistcoat-pocket, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to take a shot at it with her air rifle, being a crack shot the white rabbit never knew what hit it and no longer needed to worry about being late. The End
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Dec 2020
12:40pm, 13 Dec 2020
459 posts
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stilldreamingofawhitechristmas
As soon as I got to Borstal they made me a long-distance cross-country runner. I suppose they thought I was just the build for it because I was long and skinny for my age (and still am) and in any case I didn't mind it much, to tell the truth, because running had always been made much of in our family, especially running away from the police. I've always been a good runner, quick and with a stride as well, the only trouble being that no matter how fast I run, and I did run a very fair lick even though I do say so myself, it didn't stop me getting caught by the cops after that bakery job.
Ah that damn bakery job! To this day I can't blame anyone else for it and still can't believe I let it happen. You know how it is though, I was mithering for what seemed like hours trying to get a signal on my Garmin and I so wanted that Bakery strava segment ...
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