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Dec 2020
10:09am, 13 Dec 2020
55,733 posts
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Diogenes
“Morning Withnail, I’ve brought you some tea.”
“Tea? I demand booze!”
The curtains are thrown open and glorious sunshine fills the room.
“Oh God, I remember now, we’ve come on holiday by mistake.”
“Yes, but what a mistake! Look at the scenery out there, it’s magnificent.”
“I can’t look, I’ve got a bastard behind the eyes.”
“Come on, we’re going to get out into the countryside, rejuvenate. Have some tea and cake.”
“Cake and fine wine?”
“Tea.”
Withnail takes a sip of tea and a bite of a generous slice of  At once his whole demeanour changes.
“What was in that?”
“It was just carrot cake. From Camberwell. I had a slice earlier. My thumbs have gone all weird.”
Withnail hauls himself out of bed and pulls feed bags over his fetid socks.
“C’mon, There’s a mountain out there and we’re going to run at it.”
[Withnail and Marwood run into the distance as the credits roll. They pass a man having an ‘altercation’ with a bull.]
Voiceover:
Withnail: Is that the farmer?
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Dec 2020
10:11am, 13 Dec 2020
16,998 posts
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Sprinter Wonderland
Love it Baroness! 
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Dec 2020
10:11am, 13 Dec 2020
8,535 posts
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BaronessBL
Yours too Sharkie - excellent
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Dec 2020
10:13am, 13 Dec 2020
16,999 posts
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Sprinter Wonderland
One for the girls, obvs. Yours is very ... inclusive! *beams*
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Dec 2020
10:21am, 13 Dec 2020
3 posts
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Pinners
The alarm goes off and Hugh Grant sees that he’s going to be late for the wedding. “Oh sod it” he says and turns over and goes back to sleep.
Funnily enough he wasn’t invited to the other three weddings or the funeral...
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Dec 2020
10:30am, 13 Dec 2020
67 posts
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FlyingScotsman
Mando, your job is to kill the asset.
The Mandalorian trekked through space for days before coming to rest at the isolated planet of hirmfan.
He wandered through the desert thirsty and tired in search for the asset.
Finally, after weeks of searching he cm across a temple in the middle of the desert. Inside the temple was the asset.
He entered
in an antechamber he found the asset, Instead of a child he found an old wrinkly green lifeform. They played cards for a while, then Mando decided to stay as he enjoyed the company of this being
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Dec 2020
10:40am, 13 Dec 2020
1,802 posts
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SailorSteve
The old home town looks the same
As I step down from the train,
And there to meet me is my Mama and Papa.
Down the road I look and there runs Mary
Hair of gold and lips like cherries.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.
Yes, they'll all come to meet me, arms reaching, smiling sweetly.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.
The old house is still standing tho' the paint is cracked and dry,
And there's that old oak tree that I used to play on.
Down the lane I walk with my sweet Mary,
Hair of gold and lips like cherries.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home.
Then I awake and look around me,
At four grey walls that surround me
And I realize, yes, I was only dreaming.
So, no one was more shocked than I,
When the guard then said,
“It’s official, we got the wrong guy!”
And I really do touch the green, green grass of home.
(all together now)
Yes, they'll all come to meet me, arms reaching, smiling sweetly.
It's good to touch the green, green grass of home (fades).
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Dec 2020
10:40am, 13 Dec 2020
14,184 posts
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HowFar?
He pushed the traumatic events of the last few weeks out of his mind and focussed on the small target, glinting in the sun. He’d have one chance. There could be no more mistakes.
Just a bit closer, he thought.
He breathed deeply, trying to slow his thumping heart, determined to hold the barrel of the gun steady enough to get off this life or death shot.
Just a bit closer.
Devastation surrounded him. The water lapped around him and his target sped towards him.
He closed his finger slightly, feeling the curve of the trigger.
Just a bit closer.
There was nothing else that mattered to him now. It all came down to this one moment. 1 split second for the chance to get back to his wife and kids.
But wait.
What was that?
The drone of a motor shattered his concentration. And then the sound of a loud hailer.
“Put down your weapon. The white shark is listed on Appendix II of the Convention on International Trade in Endangered Species of Fauna and Flora.”
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Dec 2020
10:41am, 13 Dec 2020
55,735 posts
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Diogenes
Bobbie, Peter and Phyllis stood forlornly on the railway bridge, as they had for hours on end. Bobbie dabs at an eye with a lace-edged handkerchief.
“I don’t understand it” says Peter, “we haven’t seen a single train all day.”
“Bastard must have been guilty after all” shrugs Phyllis.
The children trudge despondently home.
Thirty miles away a weary traveller stares up at a sign containing the four most terrifying words know to mankind:
Rail-replacement bus service.
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Dec 2020
10:45am, 13 Dec 2020
8,536 posts
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BaronessBL
Excellent Dio
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