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Dec 2021
7:55pm, 7 Dec 2021
23,681 posts
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Angus Clydesdale
A wizard called Jayden…. whatever next?! 🤣🤣
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Dec 2021
8:00am, 8 Dec 2021
32,555 posts
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Ocelot Spleens
147, a good snooker score, but not the best first up in the first Ashes test, cricket, you need rubs on the board in cricket. Prof Cox would say hings could only get better!
The Baggy Greens had other ideas, Steve Smith, England's sandpaper wielding, cheating, rat-faced nemesis flayed the labouring pommie bowlers with double hundred, ably supported with 50s by his cheating, short-arsed git, Warner and Labuschange, add some lusty hitting from the super-charged ball tampering, bowlers and an Australian lead of 333 looked unbeatable.
England's top order failed again, mainly because Burns is crap and Root is a troubled captain not fit for office because he is from Yorkshire, and he's been worked out, pitch it up, bowled again. Who could save England now, not Stokes, he is currently residing in Brisbane hospital after drinking 15 pints of lager and having a disagreement with his reflection in a nightclub mirror and punching it.
Wood walked out to join Woakes who was in fine form, and punched gloves and offered encouragement, Woakes shrugged his shoulders because nobody understands a single bloody word Wood ever says. Wood played well for his 50 but was undone by a dastardly Nathan Lyon sledge about coal and Newcastle.
England's last hope was Jack Leach, wiping his glasses ferociouslyas he walked to the wicket, he had to bat out a whole day, he poked, he prodded, he scored sod all. Woakes was creaming the ball to all parts on his way to a magnificent 150, but just as England passed level pegging Woakes was gone, Mankaded by the Lyon, once a cheat, always a cheat.
Australia needed 5 to win, the ball was thrown to Leach and miraculously he go a wicket first ball, second ball smashed into the stand for 6.
Australia won by 9 wickets, a most unexpected result, it lookedlike an innings defeat from the first ball.
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Dec 2021
9:07am, 8 Dec 2021
40,485 posts
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Merry Christmas and Happy NewG(rrr)
[Very clever V'rap. Dark, but clever!  G]
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Dec 2021
3:41pm, 15 Dec 2021
19,015 posts
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Shark the Herald Angel
I am an old woman but I won’t wear purple
if it doesn’t suit or please me.
I spend my pension on training and sprint spikes
And have no further use for satin.
At the moment.
I might take extra rest if I’m tired
But nana naps have never been me
And I won't eat food just because it’s free,
that’s for idiots only.
'Sobriety of my youth’ no, just not true.
And
I won’t go out in the rain unless I have to.
Other people’s gardens are all driveways now
There are no flowers there to steal
And spitting is disgusting at any age.
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Dec 2021
3:53pm, 15 Dec 2021
8,882 posts
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GordonG
"Luke, i am your father"
"Are you? Well you owe an awful lot of backdated child maintenance, then"
"Shit. I never thought of that".
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Dec 2021
4:33pm, 15 Dec 2021
51,506 posts
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LindsD
Loving the reboot of 'Old Lady'
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Dec 2021
4:35pm, 15 Dec 2021
19,016 posts
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Shark the Herald Angel
It was a bit quick, Linds.... but I need my extra raffle tickets before I forget.
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Dec 2021
4:37pm, 15 Dec 2021
55,448 posts
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Velocirappingpaper
Splendid (Never been a fan of that particular poem.)
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Dec 2021
4:46pm, 15 Dec 2021
490 posts
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FestiveFlyingScotsman
10 days slaving away in the cave, secretly building the iron man suit prototype.
Eventually the day came. Tony began to don the suit as his companion created a distraction. Oh no, the left leg was stuck, hang on. "excuse me mate, would you give me a hand?" enquired Tony. The afghani rebels looked up.
"sure" the leader replied as he walked up to Tony and did up the bolts.
"Brilliant, cheers" said Tony as he lit the flamethrowers. The afghani rebels ran screaming.
After a glorious escape in the iron man suit, Tony wandered the desert, he was thirsty. "Should probably take this dratted thing off. before I die" he thought. As he tried to remove the suit he realised. It was stuck.
Soon the iron man suit was as hot as an iron, Tony was never gonna be Iron Man, more like fryin' man.
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Dec 2021
11:26am, 16 Dec 2021
3,490 posts
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Minnie Mincepie Mad
Love that Sharkie, couldn't agree more 😀
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