Unexpected Plot Twists

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Icy Turkey Guzzler 🇮🇸 Dec 2024 8:16am, 14 Dec 2024 18,189 posts	0 Icy Turkey Guzzler 🇮🇸 "Where's me fucking coat?" she yelled. "Oh, it's you," she added, seeing her former boss at the door. "Er... I was wondering..." "Wondering what? I don't work for you anymore. Remember? You had me demoted to dishwashing because you fancied me." "Ah, that. But..." "Look. You are twice my age, my boss and the functional head of state. I wash your dishes. You think you have some kind of right of primæ noctis. You threw your toys out of the pram when a richer, more powerful man showed interest in me. I've got younger, hotter men lining up around the block to date me who don't treat me like property. And right now, I am on vacation and I have the kids' show to attend. If you need your dishes washed, you can get in touch at 9am on 27th December. Good night." And the PM shuffled off with his tail between his legs rethinking all his relationships with women.
Mushroom Dec 2024 8:44am, 14 Dec 2024 3,475 posts	0 Mushroom "Come out of that cupboard Harry! We have to leave." Harry was just about to jump up, but a thought struck him. 'It's quite cozy in here, certainly enough room for a bed and a few knick-knacks. I could probably do the place up a bit and rearrange things to make it more comfortable.' Harry got up, and carefully opened the door under the stairs, and stepped into the hallway. He stretched his arms up and shaked his legs out, as he'd been in the cupboard for quite a long time. "Ah, there you are. Did you find what you were looking for?" "Yes thanks Uncle. I've got these old photos and and baby toys for my school project." "That's great. You're doing well at school. You know, we are all so incredibly proud of you winning that scholarship for Eton."
um Dec 2024 9:48am, 14 Dec 2024 9,110 posts	0 um “And now we come to the final 2 in this year’s Strictly Come Dancing! We’ve had, what seems like months, of dances, sob stories, illnesses, injuries, journeys from our competitors. We've had the trip to Blackpool and all that guff about the sprung bouncy floor. Plus all sorts of twaddle from our judges, whether fleckles or other made up words, or the right angle of the fingers in the spin, but now, it’s the final and you, the audience, not the judges have decided our winner.” (drawn out pause with music) “I can tell you, many thousands of votes have been cast, and our winner is …” (another long drawn out pause) “SHIRLEY AND ANTON !!” “No, wait, it can’t be them. They’re judges, not competitors. Why did you vote for them? You shouldn’t have voted for them. Now we’ll have to do it all over again until you get it right!”
Surrey Phil Dec 2024 9:57am, 14 Dec 2024 10,866 posts	0 Surrey Phil Kate McCallister was on her way back to Chicago. Her family weren't far behind. She had suspected that policeman was crooked and Kevin was in trouble. Kate was highly emotionally charged and someone was going to be on the end of it as the family holiday was cut short. The band Kate was travelling with had made good time and she would be home before midnight. As Kate walked in, there was chaos. Kevin was nowhere to be seen except for two dishevelled men walking around. Now she was livid. She saw Buzz's baseball bat and went after the men - screaming violently like a woman possessed. Terrified, they bolted through the front door and out into the snow-filled dark night. "Kevin?" called Kate, and he appeared. Sheepishly, he approached his mother who gave him an affectionate hug. "I'm so sorry, Kevin," she said. "Let's clear away this mess, make some cocoa and get ready for everyone." "Everyone?" Kevin was confused. "Yes, they're on their way back too. They want to spend Christmas with you as well - even Buzz!" So, the clearing up began and Christmas for real started once more for the MacCallisters.
GordonG Dec 2024 11:32am, 14 Dec 2024 10,743 posts	0 GordonG "Iceberg ahead!" Captain Smith, fresh from his post-dinner nap, stared in disbelief at the giant, ghost-like form appearing from the haze in front of him. "Hard to port!" he yelled, frantically signalling to the crew in the engine room to divert the ship while putting the engines in full reverse. Some claimed that this ship was unsinkable, but he didn't want to take a chance. "Brace for impact, everyone. Well, just the First Class passengers, obviously." The passenger ship - the largest ever constructed - heaved lazily to its left. "Well done, Sir," said the Lookout. "We missed the iceberg." "Phew. That was close," said the Captain. "Now, where's that Jack Dawson upstart? Find him and chuck him overboard. He's a right pain in the arse." And they all lived happily ever after. Except Jack. The end.
JamieKai chameleon Dec 2024 11:33am, 14 Dec 2024 19,754 posts	0 JamieKai chameleon "God bless us, every one". With that, Scrooge awoke from his fever dream and gazed around, wide-eyed. Never in the depths of his soul did he realise his unconscious mind could come up with such nonsense. "Humbug". But then, a thought entered his mind. His ungrateful wretch of a nephew, his spiteful wife, workshy Bob Cratchitt and that odious wife of his. And that carol singing rabbit... He grabbed his shotgun. Tonight he would dine on frogs legs, rabbit stew, and Miss Piggy would make a fine gammon joint. He strode out into the snow, full of renewed, dark Christmas spirit.
Bright Strider Dec 2024 12:14pm, 14 Dec 2024 415 posts	0 Bright Strider "Isildur, throw the ring into the fire!" "Are you sure, great uncle Elrond?" "Stop acting like your great, great ... grandfather Elros!" "Sorry, uncle. Into the fire goes the ring, as you wish."
Bright Strider Dec 2024 12:18pm, 14 Dec 2024 416 posts	0 Bright Strider Now I see that I missed the word count. Please count the elided 'great's to take me up to the required number. Or, treat this version as the Readers Digest edition. I could have written three volumes, after all.
Merry Fizzmas :-) Dec 2024 12:34pm, 14 Dec 2024 9,247 posts	0 Merry Fizzmas :-) As the clock struck midnight, Cinderella ran away from the ball, leaving her glass slipper lying on the path behind her. The forlorn prince picked up the slipper and watched sadly as she disappeared into the darkness. The prince searched for days, all the women trying desperately to make their foot squeeze into the tiny glass slipper. Eventually, the prince came to Cinderella. “It fits! It fits! Will you marry me, beautiful stranger?” “Marry you?” she replied. “Marry you?! Is that what all this fuss has been about? I don’t even like men!” And off she went and married her stepsister instead, who, despite the very unflattering nickname, was actually drop dead gorgeous.
Raptors claws are coming to town Dec 2024 1:25pm, 14 Dec 2024 72,612 posts	0 Raptors claws are coming to town Epilogue, 9th April 2001. "A pastrami bagel, heavy on the pickles, and a pack of Hershey's Kisses?" says Franklin. He knows, and I know, that I won't eat them. The tumor fills my belly, leaving no room for food, and the drugs to blunt the pain make me feel nauseous. But sometimes his relentless solicitousness oppresses me and I have to send him out on an errand. Besides, when he accepts that I'm not going to eat them he'll eat them himself. I whould have guessed that Franklin Plaskett would make a mission out of caring for me if I became helpless, had I been able to comprehend the possibility of helplessness. He's always been a good father to poor Celia, even if for a while he was as much in denial about her chromosomal abnormality and her autism as he was about Kevin. Who would have known that the man I chose to marry would be so blind to his children's defects? Nobody would believe me about Kevin when he was a child. They blamed me, his mother. Eva is overprotective yet rejecting, they said. Eva is an unreliable historian, they said. We see this a lot in older mothers who were ambivalent about having a child. Still needing to wear a diaper when he started school? That'll be because Eva makes him sit on the toilet for hours. Food refusal? Eva will never admit it, but she must be force-feeding him, she's had an obsession with Kevin's feeding ever since he struggled to latch at the breast when he was born. Violence towards his baby sister? Of course the poor boy is a little jealous. He was an only child for a full seven years and it was irresponsible of Eva to have another child after such a long gap. Destructive behaviour at home? He's intelligent and understimulated. His father doesn't think there's a problem but is willing to give up his own time to take Kevin to crossbow shooting classes, in which the boy has expressed an interest. They had no idea. But fortunately school had noticed Kevin's total fearlessness, which meant they believed me for once when I called 911, distraught, and said that my son, whom I had believed to be playing harmlessly in his room, had fallen out of an upstairs window and was lying lifeless on the concrete slabs in the yard below with his head caved in. Well, what did they expect me to do? I was, after all, Kevin's mother, and there is reason to believe that psychopathy is an inherited trait. It was all very well for the pediatrician, and the school authorities, and Franklin Plaskett, to tell me that I was wrong about Kevin and that he would be just fine if only I would parent him differently, but I knew the statistics about sons murdering their mothers and I knew that if Kevin ever grew bigger and stronger than me it was likely that he would kill me, slowly and sadistically. I didn't try to share this specific worry with anyone, even my own therapist, because it was obvious that nobody would have been interested in protecting me, and this turned out to be for the best because it meant I had no known motive. I went through all the motions of being a grieving mother. The falsehoods came easily to me and I felt no guilt. However, when the cancer began to grow in the womb that had carried the devil-monster, I welcomed it. I didn't visit the doctor until even Franklin Plaskett noticed that I was pale and thin and appeared to be bleeding all the time, and by then it was all over me and nothing could be done other than palliative care. Over time I almost came to believe my private narrative about how Kevin's life would have turned out had if I been stupid enough to allow him to grow up, a narrative in which he tortured and mutilated poor Celia just like he already enjoyed torturing and mutilating small animals and - a revenge fantasy of my own, I'll admit - annihilated the very people who had insisted that there was nothing wrong with him and allowed me to survive. I wove a novel out of that alternative outcome as a sort of catharsis. It's the best thing I've ever written. If anyone is interested enough to open the notebook in my desk drawer before dumping it in the trash, they'll find it, and it could be far more marketable than my travel books ever were.