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Dec 2021
10:02am, 7 Dec 2021
5,514 posts
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um
SCENE I. A desert place
First Witch
When shall we three meet again
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
Second Witch
When the hurlyburly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.
Third Witch
That will be 9am Saturday
First Witch
Where the place?
Second Witch
Upon the heath.
ALL
Fair is foul, and foul is fair:
Hover through the fog and filthy air.
Sound of hooter, exeunt at pace, all
Scene 2 – approx. 30 minutes later, a cavern
Second Witch
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the cauldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt and toe of frog,
Wool of bat and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg and owlet's wing,
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
First Witch
I hate it when it’s your turn to do the coffee after parkrun.
And today’s weather was really sh*te, wasn't it? All that thunder lightning and rain. Why is it always like that?
Third Witch
And why were you racing today? It’s no a race?
All
See you next week?
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Dec 2021
10:04am, 7 Dec 2021
2,352 posts
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Wintryfree Wonderland
The boy looked around in wonder. It was quite tricky holding on to the snowman’s icy hand but he managed it despite the numbness in his fingers. Below them fields of snow and icy lochs glittered in the moonlight.
Eventually they began to lose height and the boy heard the distinctive sound of bagpipes drifting up through the cold air.
After a bumpy landing the snowman introduced the boy to his merry snowmates and led him into the dancing throng. He danced until he was dizzy, throwing back his head and reeling around to the hypnotic beat.
When the music paused he looked for the snowman. Finally catching sight of him he was a bit alarmed to see that the snowman now had a translucent core, which was widening with each swig of the steaming liquid that went down. Running across to him he saw with horror that the bonfire behind his friend had started to melt his back and legs. He grabbed the snowman’s hand to pull him away but it turned to water in his grasp. He slumped to the ground, realising that he was never going home.
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Dec 2021
10:35am, 7 Dec 2021
5,558 posts
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mr d
Ripley closed the airlock and got out of her spacesuit. With Jonesy in her arms she climbed back into the sleep capsule and programmed it to close and put them both into hibernation.
The escape craft travelled through space until safely arriving at the Earth orbital docking Station a number of years later.
They believe Ripley send a task force to LV-426 and destroy all the Alien eggs, then the moon itself from orbit, just to be sure.
Ripley is reunited with her daughter and they and Jonesy lead happy long and peaceful lives.
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Dec 2021
10:48am, 7 Dec 2021
3,917 posts
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Oscar the Grouch
These are visions of what might be, Ebenezer...
Boy, what day is it?
Why, today is Christmas Day!
Then fetch me that turkey...
He thinks of Bob Cratchitt and his family. He considers their struggle and the fate of Tiny Tim. He should probably let the idle Cratchitt go. He will if he finds evidence of him having lit the fire in the office today of all days. He stays at home, lights the fire and roasts the turkey. It is the most succulent turkey he has had since Fezziwigg's legendary Christmas parties. It combines well with the luxurious port he has been keeping for a special occasion since the passing of the legend that was Jacob Marley. He reminisces about the girl whose name he once carried lightly.
Avoids the cheese. Gives you nightmares.
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Dec 2021
10:53am, 7 Dec 2021
590 posts
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Gogsy!
There was a new land at the top of the Faraway Tree and Jo, Bessie & Fanny, had got up early. They got dressed and rushed out even before Mother was awake. When they got to the Enchanted Wood, Moonface and Silky were waiting for them.
They all climbed the yellow ladder through the cloud, and a strange sight met them. There were many people about dressed in garish colours. They were all busy doing something. Some running, some cycling, but mostly it was adults staring at laptops and mobile phones.
'This seems like a pleasant land,' said Jo. 'But there doesn't look like there is much for me to do here,'
'Ah, but look over there!' said Silky.
Silky pointed to a crowd of people, all dressed in outrageous colours, of course, who were eating what looked like cake.
'What's so special about that?' asked Jo. 'I've seen cake before.'
'Look more closely,' said Moonface 'That's not just any cake – they're eating Marks & Spencer cake!!'
Sure enough, the crowd of people were tucking into plates of Victoria sponge, carrot cake and, of course, chocolate cake.
Bessie and Fanny could hardly believe their eyes. A hairy guy with a Welsh accent was serving the chocolate cake and when he saw our group watching he shouted across to them. 'Come on, grab a plate – there's plenty for everyone!'
Fanny didn't need a second invitation and was first to grab a big dinner plate that the strange man filled with chocolate sponge cake. The others weren't far behind.
After tucking into the chocolate cake, Bessie said. 'This is the most fantastic land – I wish I could eat like this every day!'
The others were agreeing with her when they noticed a group with rolled-up towels going past.
'I wonder where they're going.' Said Fanny.
Jo shouted to a friendly-looking lady with dark hair, 'Where are you off to?'
'We're going open-water swimming,' she said. 'There's a really nice pool nearby.'
'Can we go too?' Bessie asked Moonface.
'We don't have time,' said Moonface. 'Besides, we don't have our costumes with us.'
Everyone was disappointed, but they soon forgot when a group of runners ran past – none of them looking where they were going, all of them fixated with the watches on their wrists.
The time in this strange land had passed really quickly and soon it was time to go.
'I wish I could stay here forever!' said Fanny.
'Me too,' said Bessie.
'I suppose it's OK,' said Jo. 'But don't you think it's smelly?'
Sure enough, when the others sniffed the air, there was the distinct odour of sweaty clothes and fusty training shoes. They hadn't noticed before.
'This is a strange land, indeed!' said Silky. 'Moonface, what's it called?'
'It's called Fetch Everyone Land', he replied.
Everyone smiled, and they all headed for home
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Dec 2021
10:59am, 7 Dec 2021
13,963 posts
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Bjúgnakrækir 🇮🇸
Right. I've been waiting for this all my life. Turandot. Most stupid, unconvincing ending in opera - and that includes Manon Lescaut.
For those who don't know the story: gist is: posh Persian princess does not want to marry anyone. Clearly not interested in men. Alfano ending (Puccini died before he could finish it): in classic opera style, she falls in love with a suitor (Calaf) who basically offers his life for her. Absolute tosh.
My version: Turandot marries Calaf's sister who is obviously more her type.
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Dec 2021
11:04am, 7 Dec 2021
3,918 posts
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Oscar the Grouch
Manon Lescaut - Cocteau. What did you expect?!
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Dec 2021
11:05am, 7 Dec 2021
28,724 posts
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ElDuderino
Bastian rode his new friend Falkor the Dragon. They flew through the streets of his home city and spotted the three bullies who had been tormenting Bastian. Falkor flew towards them and chased them through the streets. The bullies in disbelief ran for the lives. Jumping into bins to hide. Falkor and Bastian laughed in delight until out of nowhere 3 choppers appeared and blasted the boy and his dragon out of the sky killing them instantly.
The film switches to one of the pilots who turns to his copilot and says " F*ck knows what that thing was but one things for sure....that's the end of that f*cking story"
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Dec 2021
11:54am, 7 Dec 2021
9,138 posts
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BaronessBL
Good King Wenceslas looked out, on the feast of Stephen.
He didn't much care for Stephen if he was honest. All that fast food that he considered a feast....as yet another Uber delivery turned up with more pizzas for Stephen, the usual of course, deep pan, crisp and even.
Plus it was starting to get dark although it was a full moon and it was quite bright but the frost was hard now and cruel. That's when the old man gathering kindling and nicking a few logs from his wood store not realising he was being watched came into sight.
Wenceslas flung open the window. 'Oi - put those logs back you thief,' he shouted. 'I know where you live you know, up by St Agnes Fountain, you won't get away with this.' But then he softened a bit, after all it was Christmas. He opened the window again 'Look, why don't you go and knock on Stephen's door. He's having a feast at the moment and he's just had a load of pizzas delivered. I'll send my page boy out to take you round there and introduce you.'
'Hither page,' he shouted down to the servants' quarters. 'Go and take that peasant round to Stephen's, tell him I sent you and he's to give him a couple of slices of pizza. I'll see him right tomorrow. And then pick up all those logs the peasant was trying to nick and bring them in and put them on the fire in my sitting room.'
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Dec 2021
12:06pm, 7 Dec 2021
12,360 posts
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Sombrero-ho-ho-ho
Hagrid: It's not every day that your young man turns eleven, now is it aye?
[Hagrid sits down on the sofa, takes out an umbrella and points it at the empty fire. Two sparks fly out and the fire starts. The family gasps.]
Harry: [puts cake down] Excuse me, who are you?
Hagrid: Rubeus Hagrid. Keeper of keys and grounds at Hogwarts. Course, you'll know all about Hogwarts.
Harry: Sorry, no.
Hagrid: No? Blimey, Harry, didn't you ever wonder where your mum and dad learned it all?
Harry: Learned what?
Hagrid: You're a wizard, Harry.
[Harry looks confused]
Harry: I-I'm a what?
Hagrid: A wizard. And a thumping good one at that, I'd wager. Once you train up a little.
Harry: No, I really can't be arsed to be a wizard. That sounds like hard work and, besides, I think magic is a load of old bollocks. I've already decided I'm going to be a goat impersonator.
Hagrid: A what? Are you mental?
Harry: A goat impersonator. Are you deaf? You're 10 feet tall with big feck off ears and can't hear properly. What a dork.
Hagrid: Well, you can bollocks.
[Hagrid gets up and storms out of the hut, accidentally smashing into the door frame, which causes the building to collapse, immediately killing all the muggles including Harry].
Hagrid: Oh shit.
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NaNoWriMo
Jul 2024
