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Support thread for parents of teenagers

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Serendippily Oct 2019 7:28am, 17 Oct 2019 14,546 posts	0 Serendippily There’s a virtual crowd of us glowering over your shoulder Linds. You have tried the punitive approach and it’s not proving effective and you’ve asked them to coordinate their responses and they haven’t. I hope she can just get removed from German it doesn’t sound like it’s helping anyone xxxx
halfpint Oct 2019 7:42am, 17 Oct 2019 29,019 posts	0 halfpint Oh Linds what a stressful time for you. Why do some teachers think it’s ok to treat our YP like shit then expect respect? I’d give the CAMHS referral a go. FWIW we found a pressure off approach was the best way. QP was bloody miserable at school. As long as he was still engaging with something (climbing, kayaking etc) I was happy. College is going well because it’s what he wants to do and he’s motivated to do it.
halfpint Oct 2019 7:43am, 17 Oct 2019 29,020 posts	0 halfpint Oh and he likes the college experience because the tutors don’t treat them like kids and the power dynamics are entirely different.
Mandymoo Oct 2019 8:41am, 17 Oct 2019 8,998 posts	0 Mandymoo Linds agree with Carp, let them see how this effecting the whole family. When we were going through the same thing with daughter it was a nightmare. She just did get on with school but as Halfpint said college was totally different.
Mandymoo Oct 2019 8:51am, 17 Oct 2019 8,999 posts	0 Mandymoo sorry *did not
LindsD Oct 2019 9:07am, 17 Oct 2019 30,041 posts	0 LindsD Thanks, all. School meeting was surprisingly good. Tense and snippy whilst LittleD was there, but then I started talking about attendance and she asked if she could go. I then had a very good conversation with the Deputy Head about the whole situation, including whether the school was the right place for her. We are no further on, really, but he did accept my view about sanctions (don't think it will change anything, though) and agreed that we need to try and find a way to help her to feel more comfortable in herself and happier. The school will not change its attitude for her - quote: it's an approach that works well for us. So ultimately I'm no further forward, but at least we are now clear and I feel heard. I also feel like he sees her as a person, not just as a problem.
mulbs Oct 2019 9:31am, 17 Oct 2019 13,520 posts	0 mulbs well done on holding your shit together LindsD, you can collapse a bit now
Serendippily Oct 2019 9:38am, 17 Oct 2019 14,548 posts	0 Serendippily ^^ that. Comment from school made me snort - organisations can run very efficiently if they ignore their purpose
LindsD Oct 2019 11:17am, 17 Oct 2019 30,044 posts	0 LindsD Agreed. OH and I are thinking we'll say to her that if things don't improve we will look to start moving procedures at Christmas. If she really is wedded to the school, then hopefully that will be an impetus for her to try and stay in lessons. If not, then we can move her a managed way and not wait for the school to chuck her out and for us to then have to try and find a school that will take her. I wish I could make her happy and content with herself.
PK Oct 2019 11:38am, 17 Oct 2019 52 posts	0 PK Your last line, Linds, sums up all parents. We just want what is best for them and makes them happy. It may seem easy, but as I know, you know and many others on here know - it's not as simple as it sounds. Sounds like a good meeting for you (in terms of being heard) and that you've got a plan. Plans help, I believe.