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Support thread for parents of teenagers

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Pothunter Oct 2019 8:20pm, 23 Oct 2019 1,632 posts	0 Pothunter Hi all. Today we join the ranks of parent to a teenager as D1 hits the big 13. She’s had a lovely relaxing day as it’s half term. We’re currently trying to jump through the various CAMHS hoops with her at the moment. She’s been diagnosed with Conversion Disorder which basically means any time she gets stressed out her brain just shuts down and she either passes out or has a seizure. She’s currently only doing two lessons a day at school as any more just doesn’t work. Even the two is often too much. Been seeing a therapist (privately) since beginning of Aug but he was away for most of September. Back now so hopefully we’ll see a bit more progress.
LindsD Oct 2019 10:43pm, 28 Oct 2019 30,373 posts	0 LindsD Welcome PH. Hope the return today was better than ours. She did really well this morning. Up washed fed and out on time. Came back complaining her stomach hurt. Had something to eat then went up to bed. Slept for most of the evening. I've just gone to say goodnight and she has just started her English homework in a desultory fashion whilst complaining that she doesn't feel well. It's 10.30. I despair..
LindsD Oct 2019 1:09pm, 30 Oct 2019 30,421 posts	0 LindsD Spoke to the counsellor. She is going to see her tomorrow for possibly the last session but might get approval for a few more if LittleD and her boss agrees. She says LittleD wants to make changes but is struggling with making them. She told me the things she had suggested (good sleep hygiene, mindfulness, gratitude, etc.) and I know that LittleD is not doing any of those. She said (again) that she doesn't think she will get a CAMHS referral. She said she is possibly 'not ready to engage in therapy'. I get that. I understand. But. I can't go on like this indefinitely and neither can she. We can't manage this as a family and the school clearly don't want to. Eventually the school will kick her out (although I must say things have been better on that front for the three days she's been in school). Perhaps she will manage to stay in lessons and that will enable us all to manage the other things. I dunno. I feel stuck and without help. Which is probably also how she feels. I guess I just have to hang onto the good things. And tell her I love her. I'm so tired and it hurts me so much to see her so unhappy.
MazH Oct 2019 1:20pm, 30 Oct 2019 10,572 posts	0 MazH If she’s not willing to engage in therapy then is it an elective behaviour? And therefore you’re right not to accept it. How to go about not accepting it, not sure.... Hope you get inroads tho Linds
LindsD Oct 2019 1:31pm, 30 Oct 2019 30,424 posts	0 LindsD I'm not sure I understand what you mean. Counsellor seems to think she wants to change some of her behaviour - presumably to feel better, I guess, but is unable to do so. Issues are managing to stay quiet in school when she feels something is unfair/doing homework/sleeping at the right time/eating properly/general self-care/aggression and general lashing out verbally/sleeping a lot/presenting as miserable/wish I hadn't started listing them...
sallykate Oct 2019 6:10pm, 30 Oct 2019 6,163 posts	0 sallykate Oh Linds that's such an overwhelming list. I hope that she can figure out how to focus on making just one change, it might open doors to changing more and we all know it's impossible to change everything at once.
halfpint Oct 2019 7:57pm, 30 Oct 2019 29,124 posts	0 halfpint Surely all of those are symptoms of something else. Changing the behaviour isn’t going to address the root cause.
Lizzie W Oct 2019 8:16pm, 30 Oct 2019 21,498 posts	0 Lizzie W I agree with HP. I think I had some similar behaviours.
Pothunter Oct 2019 8:26pm, 30 Oct 2019 1,656 posts	0 Pothunter So difficult Linds. One of the issues we have is that she says one thing (very positive in our case) but her actions don’t back up her words. She says how much she wants to be at school, but doesn’t use her techniques to prevent seizures. Unfortunately the secondary gains (short day, getting out of lessons, etc) are still outweighing the “cost”. We’re having to move GP because our current GP is a branch (based in Greenwich borough) of the main surgery registered in Bexley. So although we live in (and pay taxes to) Greenwich any referrals are to Bexley. Just another hoop to jump through...
LindsD Oct 2019 8:49pm, 30 Oct 2019 30,448 posts	0 LindsD That's annoying PH. I also recognise that behaviour.