Support thread for parents of teenagers

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halfpint Sep 2019 12:40pm, 26 Sep 2019 28,908 posts	0 halfpint I would reiterate what Vrap says. Not appropriate for school staff to speculate. Entirely outwith their remit and expertise, and ultimately unhelpful. CAMHS will hopefully be able to offer informed conclusion and appropriate support.
Lorraine Sep 2019 12:51pm, 26 Sep 2019 1,479 posts	0 Lorraine LindsD if I can help message me My daughter has bipolar. Really happy to answer any questions.
Lorraine Sep 2019 12:56pm, 26 Sep 2019 1,480 posts	0 Lorraine Hit the button too quickly .......to continue .....as has been said school staff, unless trained in that area which they won’t be, should most certainly not be diagnosing that kind of thing. A diagnosis of Bipolar Affective Disorder is not simply bad depression and is not easy to diagnose. I would suggest you try and get a referral to CAMHS. It’s also very common for behaviour at school to be normal.
PK Sep 2019 12:59pm, 26 Sep 2019 11 posts	0 PK I'm seeing some familiar situations here. My youngest appears still to be at the terrible two's stage, but he's 9. On occasion, a complete lack of logical reasoning, but you know he know's it's wrong. Tried the 'tough love' but it doesn't work - sometimes nothing does. He will always calm down, but this can sometimes take over an hour. Part of the draining thing is that this only happens in the house - never at school or clubs. health visitor said likely to be nothing, only behavioural, but to get the school to refer to Educational Psychologist. We've to possibly try parenting classes, which we will. This is a good support thread, and as much for venting as looking for any advice.
Cyclops Sep 2019 7:53pm, 26 Sep 2019 3,887 posts	0 Cyclops Sounds like my daughter, Px, who had screaming fits up to the age of 9. All about anxiety and wanting to control so she knew what was happening. Could also probably slip her onto the far end of the autistic spectrum but she masked it well at school, her obsession at the time was Glee and other girly things. I found that as much forward planning - writing down meals, clubs, events, what time I would be home etc - really helped as well as talking through what was going to happen. I then had to be very firm about sticking to what I had said and enforcing rules and boundaries. It made life a bit of a drag and rather boring but more manageable.
sallykate Sep 2019 8:14pm, 26 Sep 2019 6,122 posts	0 sallykate I have no real problems with my daughter (14 tomorrow) so far but can anticipate some things to head off at the pass, so to speak. She surprised us recently by revealing some odd attitudes to food (like things not touching each other on the plate, and a certain way of eating pasta). She's a bit of a perfectionist (even though I've tried hard to be aware of my tendency to that and not passing it on to her) and her school might have the potential to be pushy with bright kids like her as it has a reputation to keep up in the borough. OH wants her to be the best at everything and to do all three science GCSEs even though her talents are clearly on the artistic side; she's feeling pressurised already by his attitude (and as far as I know GCSE choices are a few months away anyway) and I can see potential conflict. This thread has taught me a lot from others' willingness to share experiences. Thank you all. I hope I'll never be posting about anything more serious than how do I get her to keep her bloody room tidy, but if we do run up against problems I know where I'll turn to first.
Queen of Cups Sep 2019 8:19pm, 26 Sep 2019 301 posts	0 Queen of Cups Whilst I totally agree with Velociraptor that teachers and school staff should not take it upon themselves to diagnose or suggest certain issues are present, from experience it is tricky at times because the school referral forms for Camhs, SALT and various other agencies do have boxes to tick to say what you are referring pupils for. And parents often ask for guidance and support to complete their parts of the forms. So for example while you can't say I am referring X because he seems bipolar to me, if you had observed behaviour that you thought suggested depression or being manic, you might want to refer to this in the evidence you give them so they can take it into consideration. I don't like the referral forms very much! Hope that makes sense, after all the last thing you want is a referral to be rejected and the child to be no closer to any help even if you have no idea what is the issue!
Cyclops Sep 2019 8:23pm, 26 Sep 2019 3,888 posts	0 Cyclops My daughter still has very exact rules about how food is arranged on her plate - we left her to do it herself but it took her ages! OH got really cross about the time it took her to help herself to food. My sister is very impatient and dumped some food on a plate - there was a bit of a do! My sister is a doctor and should know better. She kept saying that as my daughter is an adult (19) she shouldn't make such a fuss about it!!! My daughter knew what she wanted to do at school but teachers didn't help her with comments like 'you must practise your German vocab every day' so every day, without fail, my daughter had to do German vocab and get really stressed about fitting in her practice around everything else she was doing.
LindsD Sep 2019 8:30pm, 26 Sep 2019 29,624 posts	0 LindsD Thank you everyone. It really helps. I seem to feel a lot worse in the mornings. We have visitors and I have been out all day. Things look a little better. Although LittleD is not talking to me.
mulbs Sep 2019 10:08am, 27 Sep 2019 13,500 posts	0 mulbs LindsD - I think you're doing a fabulous job, seems like LittleD is exerting control over the one area of their life (which I know doesn't make it any easier to be on the receiving end of their treatment) that they can because they know that come what may you'll always have their back. Don't underestimate how important it is that they've got you as their backstop.