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Sep 2019
4:54pm, 10 Sep 2019
29,376 posts
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LindsD
How do you walk the line between being supportive and not being treated like a piece of shit? I can't do this any more. LittleD just came in and shrugged and ignored her way through a conversation where I was offering to make her something to eat. Then lashed out at me verbally. When I tried to tell her (calmly) how that makes me feel she just twisted my words and told me I was telling her what she did and what she felt when I was just trying to tell her how it makes me feel. I feel like a fucking mug. I try and try to tiptoe around her and make life easy for her to the point that I'm her slave and she just treats me like one. I'm really struggling not to react like my parents would have done and say 'you'll get nothing until you behave properly' but I don't think I can do this any more.
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Sep 2019
6:04pm, 10 Sep 2019
17,625 posts
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Carpathius
Maybe you should stop making life so easy for her. Pick one thing you do, and tell her that you're transferring the responsibility for it to her, offer to help her learn how to do it, then stop doing it yourself.
If T2 is anything to go by, it won't foster a sense of how much you actually do but it'll at least give you back a sense of control.
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Sep 2019
6:15pm, 10 Sep 2019
29,379 posts
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LindsD
Thanks. That's a helpful suggestion. I really need a sense of control. I feel totally jerked about at the moment.
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Sep 2019
6:41pm, 10 Sep 2019
28,819 posts
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halfpint
Great suggestion Carp. I’m just thinking back to my own angst ridden youth and I had an aunty who was bloody brilliant. She was really supportive but gently challenged me when I was being an unreasonable bitch. Do you have anyone she might take it from better than you?
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Sep 2019
6:43pm, 10 Sep 2019
29,380 posts
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LindsD
I think SD would be perfect but she's sadly a bit unreliable. They are close and she calls LittleD out on things I wouldn't dare. They are meant to be meeting tomorrow. Hope it happens.
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Sep 2019
6:51pm, 10 Sep 2019
28,820 posts
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halfpint
Fingers crossed.
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Sep 2019
6:53pm, 10 Sep 2019
13,517 posts
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Rosehip
I went down the line my parents - and yours used at the first sign of teenage stroppiness.
I really wasn't allowed to get away with upsetting mum - (bless you dad x) !
You're doing a great job Linds - the fact you are stressing on here and not throwing things at her is a testament to that. I hope SD can have a word, or 6.
Think Carp's suggestion is a great one
((()))
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Sep 2019
8:15am, 11 Sep 2019
29,390 posts
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LindsD
OH came home and sent her out of the room for the way she spoke to me. She's angry and teary and not talking to either of us. He took her ipod off her, too. I hope she can work out some of her feelings with SD this evening. I'm so worried she might hurt herself in her anger. I'm also pretty uncomfortable with OH wading in on my behalf, but at least it meant she has stopped lashing out at me. I guess this too will pass, like all the other phases I struggled with.
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Sep 2019
11:59am, 11 Sep 2019
17,628 posts
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Carpathius
It's probably good that he waded in - it lets her know that treating people like that is not approved of by anyone and it isn't you overreacting IYSWIM.
She needs to learn how to handle being told off. It's so difficult when you're afraid that she'll hurt herself but I don't think you can keep on accepting when she's being a little sod. If she knows she's got you over a barrel there, nothing much will change.
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Sep 2019
12:11pm, 11 Sep 2019
29,403 posts
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LindsD
This is true. And I feel a bit better with some kind of boundaries being re-established.
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Assisting teens in choosing university for 2021 during a pandemic
Nov 2020