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Apr 2024
1:41pm, 15 Apr 2024
215 posts
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Stander
I've taken up drag racing, but running in heels is killing my feet.
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Apr 2024
5:57pm, 15 Apr 2024
6,621 posts
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mr d
The local Derby is about to kick-off and the ground is full except for one seat.
"Why is there a spare seat at Derby" says a young lad to the older gentleman the other side of the empty seat.
"It was my wife's but unfortunately she recently passed away." He replies.
"Oh that's terrible I'm sorry."
"Yes she never missed a match"
"But didn't you have any friends or relatives who wanted the ticket?"
"No," he replies looking sad, "they're all at the funeral."
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Apr 2024
8:33am, 20 Apr 2024
4,240 posts
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NordRunner
I was in a supermarket first thing , when a shelf of toilet rolls fell on me. I'm worried now that I might have soft tissue damage.
Hopefully, you can stop worrying and not develop andrexia nervosa.
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Apr 2024
6:44pm, 20 Apr 2024
26,288 posts
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Sigh
Wish me luck in the London Marathon on Sunday. Last year, I managed 3:12:09. This year, I'm going to try and beat that, but I usually get bored and change the TV channel.
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Apr 2024
6:58pm, 20 Apr 2024
3,146 posts
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Muttley
Mr d's joke reminds me of the golfer about to tee off from the 15th when he sees a hearse and procession moving slowly along the adjacent road. He puts down his club and stands facing the procession, head bowed. "What's that all about?" his golf partner asks. He picks up his club and prepares to tee off again: "It's the least I could do, we were married 30 years."
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Apr 2024
12:21pm, 21 Apr 2024
26,294 posts
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Sigh
My boss said he's going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I've got a hunch it might be me.
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Apr 2024
1:13pm, 21 Apr 2024
65,524 posts
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Derby Tup
Bent double laughing at that one
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Apr 2024
2:47pm, 21 Apr 2024
23,720 posts
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Red Squirrel
I wouldn’t stoop so low as to post a lame pun
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Apr 2024
2:39pm, 22 Apr 2024
6,638 posts
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mr d
I sat in a London pub yesterday, wearing my running gear wrapped in a tinfoil sheet while strangers bought me beer.
Works every year.
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Apr 2024
5:31pm, 22 Apr 2024
65,548 posts
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Derby Tup
While cooking last night I accidentally rubbed some herbs in my eyes
I’m now Parsley sighted 
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