Joke of the day........

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3M 24 Jan 5:26pm, 24 Jan 2024 23,170 posts	0 3M Presumably it was resurrected.....
Eynsham Red 24 Jan 5:36pm, 24 Jan 2024 10,576 posts	0 Eynsham Red Who says that miracles don’t happen these days!
Mozzer 24 Jan 7:08pm, 24 Jan 2024 85 posts	0 Mozzer I don't think cottage cheese is really a cheese. It's just a curd to me.
Stander 25 Jan 3:31pm, 25 Jan 2024 205 posts	0 Stander A farmer stopped by the local mechanics' shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home, he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store, he now had a problem, how to carry all his purchases home. While he was scratching his head, he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?' The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house. I would walk you there, but I can't carry this lot.' The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in your other hand?' 'Why, thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way, he said 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.' The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, 'I am a lonely widow without a husband to protect me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?' The farmer said, 'Holy smokes, lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?' The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.'
Stander 25 Jan 3:32pm, 25 Jan 2024 206 posts	0 Stander You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat, she's probably slightly upset.
Treborstreet 25 Jan 9:45pm, 25 Jan 2024 225 posts	0 Treborstreet Have been invited to a joint Chinese New Year and Burns Night, Chinese Burns Night! I didn’t want to go but they’ve really twisted my arm..
Big_G 26 Jan 5:22pm, 26 Jan 2024 3,222 posts	0 Big_G My grandad always used to say, “When one door closes, another one opens.” He was a lovely man but a terrible cabinet maker.
Maclennane 27 Jan 3:43pm, 27 Jan 2024 31,882 posts	0 Maclennane I was walking down the street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, and 1MB. That was a trip down memory lane.
mr d 27 Jan 7:13pm, 27 Jan 2024 6,543 posts	0 mr d I have a pet termite. I named him Clint. Clint eats wood.
Treborstreet 29 Jan 9:58pm, 29 Jan 2024 226 posts	0 Treborstreet An man walks into a bar and orders three pints of Guinness... He sits at the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes all three, he goes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it and it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we all used to drink together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. For many months the man becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. Just after New Years Day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice this and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your sad loss." The man looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs..... "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone's fine. It's me......I'm doing Dry January