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Nov 2023
7:36am, 9 Nov 2023
11,636 posts
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leaguefreak
It's a difficult balance isn't it Sweetie. My mum was resistant to the idea that she had any sort of memory issues when she clearly did. I think others wondered why I didn't push harder for diagnosis but I was dealing with a complicated situation.
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Nov 2023
7:47am, 9 Nov 2023
695 posts
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NRGEE
My mum has terrible memory and confusion. Had a memory assessment and was then referred for CT scan for possible dementia. I am sole carer and with severe mental health issues myself am finding things so hard to cope with- I just don’t want to be here. Consultant is coming to her house with results of scan. Family are trying to protect me I know- but been asked not to be at consultation- feel left out and useless😢
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Nov 2023
10:46am, 9 Nov 2023
6,740 posts
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Little Miss Happy
What's the rationale for you not being there NRGEE? I can't believe the rest of your family think that not telling you the result of the scan will be helpful?
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Nov 2023
11:48am, 9 Nov 2023
696 posts
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NRGEE
They will be present for consultation but don’t want me there as mood is low and bad news I could react to. They will tell me the ct scan results/ diagnosis after the consultant has gone. I feel as mum’s carer I know her best- but she doesn’t want me there either. This is upsetting me.
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Nov 2023
1:05pm, 9 Nov 2023
3,047 posts
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Big_G
Since my post asking for advice about possibly getting Dad out the house for a couple of hours, he has had what has been described as a ‘mild heart attack’, so spent some days in hospital, and came home yesterday. He is frail but not noticeably more so than previously and I went over today.
I know it shouldn’t, but he does wind me up. Carers had him out in the living room, which he likes doing for 2-3hrs a day, as the rest of the time he’s in bed. I’m sure he said it to wind me up, but he was threatening to crawl back into the bedroom….which I just ignored as I think he wanted a reaction. I can’t get him back in on my own, so I carried on some small talk, and then left as the carers were due to be back in soon in any case. I think what it is, in hospital he feels much better looked after. The carers and everyone else are doing a great job in my opinion, but 24/7 care in hospital is very different, and I think that’s got something to do with threat. I asked him if he was glad to be home and he paused and said ‘kind of’. I’ve suggested many times about a care home being better, but he doesn’t want it, and it’s his decision. In the meantime, everyone around him just does their best.
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Nov 2023
5:04pm, 9 Nov 2023
6,741 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Difficult Big G. Have you broached the idea of him trying a home for a week or so as some respite care? Try to sell it on the basis more activity/social interaction/care etc?
NRGEE - if you are going to be told the news anyway I can't see any reason for you to not hear it directly from the consultant in terms of its affect on your mood but if your mum doesn't want you there that's a different thing.
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Nov 2023
7:01pm, 9 Nov 2023
320 posts
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kaysdee
We’re 3.5 weeks into emergency respite for OH. Planning meeting last week generally concluded that it would be best for him not to come home and that “we” (social services) should explore moving him directly to supported living.
I’m at the end of my rope with social services. He doesn’t have a named social worker, we can’t self fund so are at the mercy of waiting, waiting, waiting.
Most of my frustration comes from the fact I’m coming up to just shy of one year of dealing with the same issues with S19 (20 next week), who has also been waiting all this time for his own move to supported living. This has involved complaints, a change of social worker and we’re still waiting for them to complete an application to the court of protection to allow the move. The property (housing association) has been sitting empty for him for 11 months and I just can’t face this as well with OH. In the meantime, they expect me work full time, care for S19 who has been in and out of hospital), look after 2 other teenagers, and deal with what will happen with OH.
I’m bombarded with phone calls and emails every day at work requesting meetings here, there and everywhere and nothing happens. It’s all just talk and no action. Everything takes forever and OH wouldn’t be in this position if he’d had a sufficient care package… which basically consisted on two 30 minute calls Mon-Fri, where the carers would turn up for 5 minutes asking if he wanted a cup of tea and leaving him with his clothes inside out and back to front, no hearing aids, lots of other issues… I made so many complaints as the carers couldn’t seem to grasp how to deal with someone with dementia, yet social services did nothing about it for over 9 months until crisis.
I’m so tired.
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Nov 2023
7:09pm, 9 Nov 2023
48,587 posts
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EvilPixie
Hugs
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Nov 2023
7:44pm, 9 Nov 2023
17,674 posts
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Mandymoo
That sounds so so tough - am so sorry
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Nov 2023
10:19pm, 9 Nov 2023
7,120 posts
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ThorntonRunner
That is heartbreaking (())
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023
