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Oct 2023
4:14pm, 4 Oct 2023
64,267 posts
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LindsD
I hope you get to continue your holiday, then. In my experience there'll be plenty of picking up pieces to be done.
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Oct 2023
4:15pm, 4 Oct 2023
4,440 posts
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jabberknit
A sad loss of the person your FiL used to be before the dementia, perhaps, LMH? Condolences to the family.
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Oct 2023
4:48pm, 4 Oct 2023
318 posts
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kaysdee
Living with dementia as a spouse is strange indeed. I’ve definitely experienced anticipatory grief and my logical head knows this and expects that it’s preparing me for the real thing. OH isn’t the same man he used to be but knowing that he’s different to how he used to be can’t really be focused as everything is so preoccupied in dealing with his care and you’re just getting through each day. I think I could find myself one day thinking I’m ready for it and that he’s been “gone” for years but I suppose the reality and finality then allows you to really grieve the pre dementia life. You can’t really do that when they person is there but not there. Although our kids are still teenagers, they seem to be able to compartmentalise those feelings in a different way than maybe a spouse can, so OH’s rumoured move to extra care housing hasn’t seemed to have affected them much, but may change when it happens.
All I know is that dementia well and truly sucks, for everyone. I was at the cinema with S16 last night - very rare that we can get out - and they showed a cartoon advert before the trailers, which I knew was about dementia about 10 seconds in, and it had us both floored.
I’m sorry for the timing. As you say, you will be there to support her (and have already for so long) so I hope you can continue with the rest of your trip. It still feels like a sad end even though it’s “for the best”.
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Oct 2023
5:06pm, 4 Oct 2023
71,580 posts
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Lip Gloss
So sorry for your loss LMH but sounds like it will be a relief.
I remember the last time I saw my father in his pre dementia ( but probably had the start ) days and I fell out with him as he was rude, arrogant and disrespectful . My sister and myself had travelled from Abdn to Bristol to give him some help and after letting me clean all his house and my sister arrange appointments for his welfare he threw it back in our faces and I retaliated then walked out vowing never to go and see him again. If he hadn’t been moved to a care home 10 minutes away I never would have.
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Oct 2023
6:59pm, 4 Oct 2023
25,675 posts
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Bazoaxe
I am sorry for your loss LMH. You have been a great support to others on here.
HappyG that’s a great outlook you have with your mum. We have had similar with MiL but it has been a gradual decline that started in 2010 and gets more challenging as each year goes by. I will try to remember your wise words as we go forward.
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Oct 2023
7:04pm, 4 Oct 2023
28,070 posts
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Lizzie Whizz
Mum's op was postponed until this pm, meaning my brother got here 😍 & we sat together for about 4 hours until she went to theatre, which was helpful for all of us. Dad managed to fall over on his front doorstep this morning... Bro has gone to stay with him.
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Oct 2023
7:05pm, 4 Oct 2023
71,582 posts
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Lip Gloss
Aw fingers crossed LW. Hope your dad is okay.
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Oct 2023
7:06pm, 4 Oct 2023
64,269 posts
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LindsD
That sounds comforting Lizzie. Thinking of you. Hope Dad is OK (())
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Oct 2023
7:21pm, 4 Oct 2023
47,540 posts
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EvilPixie
Hope you get some news soon LW
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Oct 2023
9:33pm, 4 Oct 2023
28,072 posts
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Lizzie Whizz
Still waiting:-(
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023
