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Oct 2023
7:21am, 4 Oct 2023
34,916 posts
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Ness
((())) LMH
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Oct 2023
7:33am, 4 Oct 2023
64,255 posts
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LindsD
Thinking of you LMH
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Oct 2023
7:39am, 4 Oct 2023
17,452 posts
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Mandymoo
So many going through so much on here. Thinking of you all xx
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Oct 2023
7:59am, 4 Oct 2023
2,951 posts
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Big_G
Sorry for everyone is going through it.
Vixx, just to say, I feel similar to how you describe. I’m away this weekend too (from another thread, I think possibly the same destination as yourself!), and went to see Dad yesterday before I travel, and I ended up walking out. I of course now feel bad for doing it, but he was implying the carers were lazy…..because some damp washing was on a clothes horse. They are most definitely not lazy, they are fantastic and without them he’d be totally and utterly stuffed. I calmly explained tumble drier was on, the washing machine was on, and there were some damp clothes in a washing basket waiting to be dried, but he wasn’t having it. He has no idea what is going on to keep him alive basically. Even yesterday his hoist broke, and had to be repaired and a repairman was there fixing it in the other room, but he’s oblivious. The amount of people coming in and out that house to care for him is crazy - district nurses every day, carers 4x a day, physios, podiatrists, cleaners, medication delivered etc. And calling the carers lazy (not to their face) was just rude, and when he didn’t go back on what he was saying I walked out.
I know reading that back in isolation probably looks like I overreacted and in isolation it does look bad I guess. But I suppose, similar I imagine to most on here, it’s not in isolation really, and although it was a spur of the moment thing to walk out, staying would have resulted in a bigger argument, so on balance it was probably the right thing to do to leave.
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Oct 2023
8:04am, 4 Oct 2023
64,259 posts
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LindsD
That sounds difficult Big_G
Our elderly folk do take out their frustrations on us.
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Oct 2023
8:30am, 4 Oct 2023
17,454 posts
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Mandymoo
Big_G walking out sounded like the right choice.
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Oct 2023
8:50am, 4 Oct 2023
2,192 posts
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poppyH
I agree, walking out probably best. Don't be hard on yourself, it's a really tough situation and people getting grief despite all that is being done is sometimes the final straw.
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Oct 2023
10:58am, 4 Oct 2023
14,591 posts
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Dave W
I’m afraid that we have noticed it with our surviving parents. They have tunnel vision and everything revolves around their basic needs. Anything out of the ordinary sends them into a tailspin of panic. And bugger anyone else’s needs or desires.
Don’t know if we’ll be the same but as we have no children then we will have to cope with stuff ourselves. Or not as the case may be.
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Oct 2023
11:39am, 4 Oct 2023
47,947 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
I have changed my language (and expectations) with my mum now. Her world has shrunk massively now. To be able to get up and prepare some food results in her falling asleep when she sits down. A busy day is when a person comes in to help or deliver something. Her most common visitors are nurses and doctors.
So in a call or visit, she might spend ages talking about, possibly complaining about, a visit time, a delivery, a specific ache or pain. I want to say "I know all this, you could summarise in about 20 seconds, is any of this relevant to me?" But of course, for her, this is all she has now. So I think of it as an hour of listening, doesn't really matter what the content is, positive or negative. Obviously if there is something in there which is actually wrong or needs changing, I'm listening out for that, but it's rare!
And yay! Social Work department are finally (2 months) going to go out for an assessment of needs. Amazing what the "cancer" word does, I only updated them on Monday about that!  G
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Oct 2023
11:42am, 4 Oct 2023
47,518 posts
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EvilPixie
oh Happy I do feel for you
When I talk to mum it's similar in it's all about her but she doesn't have the excuses your mum has
big hugs to so many people on here - take care of yourselves
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