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Dec 2011
4:34pm, 2 Dec 2011
17,609 posts
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A Frobester in a Pear Tree
Well, you'd have thought for every We Need to Talk About Kevin, there'd be at least one We Don't Need to Talk at all, because they're Really a Super Bunch, but who'd buy a book about lovely, non-threatening non-violent issue-free family life?
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Dec 2011
4:36pm, 2 Dec 2011
3,492 posts
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Trin
Pootle... yep
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Dec 2011
4:37pm, 2 Dec 2011
10,664 posts
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elfpint
My teenage years were a nightmare for all involved. I was a fairly typical teenager initially and my mum was a perfectionist who was emotionally unavailable.....which made me a hugely angst ridden teenager in the end. I won't blame it all on her but she was 'trying to ruin my life' and I did 'hate her'. For her part she loved me but didn't like me apparently. I think what she meant was that she didn't like my behaviour??? I can only hope I don't cock it up as much as she did!!
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Dec 2011
4:38pm, 2 Dec 2011
20,307 posts
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God Rest Ye Merry JenLmen
I experienced my elder sons' teenage years as a time of (relatively) benign dictatorship. Trin, you do need to be clear about what you will tolerate and what you will not and stick to it. It means big fallings out on occasion but long term it's worth it - for you as well as them.
My eldest boy once lied to us about a party he was going to when he was 14 - to the extent that the girl whose house was being used impersonated her mother (who of course was away and knew nothing about the party) to "reassure" me on the phone  NEVER do that to a linguist: it brings on a red mist like nothing else. I waited an hour after speaking to her and then went to fetch him. You could have heard a pin drop and he was both embarrassed and furious, but nowhere near as furious as I was.
He either never did it again or was never again stupid enough to get caught. I don't much care which and you'll find that the teenage years involve your coming to terms with not being able to control or account for everything. I'm sure you're already picking your battles more than you probably did a couple of years ago.
You should definitely dispose of the stuff he's left lying around if he doesn't clear it up now that you've said that's what you'll do. He'll be angry but he'll know that you mean what you say.
It DOES get better. Really
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Dec 2011
4:38pm, 2 Dec 2011
9,214 posts
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sheri3004
Ah, they have their good points
I have a 20 year old and a 4 year old so I currently have both ends of the age spectrum....
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Dec 2011
4:47pm, 2 Dec 2011
3,493 posts
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Trin
The stuff that I'm angry about right now probably seems fairly petty but his behaviour and how he and my daughter are towards me is getting worse.
A couple of weeks ago I found out that his 17 year old mate, who had had just 4 driving lessons, was 'teaching' my son to drive!
Jen... I was probably as furious as you at that point!
He won't now be getting driving lessons for his 17th birthday next May!
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Dec 2011
4:58pm, 2 Dec 2011
18,479 posts
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Raptors Claws are coming to town
Illegal and dangerous activities involving cars definitely must be dealt with ... Trin, you're absolutely right to come down hard on that particular behaviour. There's a lot of moaning that parents don't bother to control their teenagers, so all credit to those who DO make a big effort to keep their kids out of trouble.
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Dec 2011
5:16pm, 2 Dec 2011
20,308 posts
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God Rest Ye Merry JenLmen
The mistake made by too many parents is trying to be liked by their children all the time, in my opinion. never be afraid to be the bad guy. If it turns out you're wrong (rare, in my experience :-)), all you have to do is apologise and learn from it.
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Dec 2011
5:20pm, 2 Dec 2011
12,120 posts
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Pestomum
Indeed Jen. Teenagers *aren't* your friends. They might be eventually, but not as teenagers.
EP - if you were anything as foul as mine can be, rude and hurtful, then it is entirely possible that your mum didn't like you when she said that I've said it and meant it. And it was fair enough for her to hear at the time.
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Dec 2011
5:26pm, 2 Dec 2011
9,216 posts
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sheri3004
I agree too, Jen, I've always been extremely relaxed about saying "No" when it seems necessary (Usually in response to something beginning with "everyone else is allowed to....").
It's not a popularity contest, after all.
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