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Sep 2020
7:53pm, 11 Sep 2020
1,922 posts
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JRitchie
People are complaining at Boris Johnson breaking political treaties but to be fair we should know that he’s never been good with withdrawal agreements. Just ask Carrie Symons.
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Sep 2020
9:30pm, 11 Sep 2020
6,163 posts
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57.5 Degrees of Pain
That's slightly better. After the last two pages I was getting nostalgic about 'Seven Dwarves' jokes.
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Sep 2020
7:52am, 12 Sep 2020
103 posts
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Stander
I've just used a copy of the Daily Mail to kill a fly. I read the first three pages out loud and it shot itself.
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Sep 2020
8:09am, 12 Sep 2020
25,517 posts
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JulesR
** Be aware **
We ordered Chinese from a local place (we won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving home, heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
I thought what on earth is that? Has something got in the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.
I was driving so pulled over, I leaned forward, picked up the bag, put it on the passenger seat and there it was again, more rustling and little eyes looking out behind the ginger beef,
I thought its got to be a rat or a mouse or something, so I carefully pulled the bag down ...
And there it was ...
... A Peeking Duck!
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Sep 2020
7:45am, 13 Sep 2020
5,881 posts
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daz1927
My wife said she wanted something nice and silky for her birthday.
No doubt this tin of Dulux will be the wrong colour.
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Sep 2020
7:47am, 13 Sep 2020
5,882 posts
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daz1927
I got in touch with my inner self today.
Remind me never to buy cheap toilet paper again.
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Sep 2020
7:52am, 13 Sep 2020
5,883 posts
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daz1927
You can burn up to 150 calories through one vigorous session of masturbation.
Still got kicked out of my Weight Watchers meeting though....
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Sep 2020
7:53am, 13 Sep 2020
5,884 posts
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daz1927
I think I'll hire a different plumber in future, instead of that young guy.
He's fixed the tap, but left my wife dripping....
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Sep 2020
7:55am, 13 Sep 2020
5,885 posts
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daz1927
A lot of people are under the impression that Maid Marian was Robin Hood's lover.
It was in fact Trudie Glenn....
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Sep 2020
11:23am, 13 Sep 2020
1,228 posts
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mushroom
Got a new job as a bell ringer. It's my first day tomorrow, so they'll probably just be showing me the ropes..
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021