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Apr 2020
6:20pm, 1 Apr 2020
39,237 posts
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Derby Tup
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Apr 2020
6:26pm, 1 Apr 2020
28,779 posts
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Seratonin
I can't really understand why people are being so smug about social distancing - my wife and I have been practising this for at least 5 years now.
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Apr 2020
7:13pm, 1 Apr 2020
8 posts
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dUNKle
A horse and a donkey meet in a bar one night, they get chatting and hit it off, the horse invites the donkey back to his place, they go back and all around the walls are pictures of the horse winning the derby, the Guineas, the oaks etc etc.
So anyway they have a bang and the horse suggests going to the donkeys house the next weekend, donkey is all up for it but he starts panicking thinking how he’s gonna impress this champion horse, he gets a brain wave and goes the zoo and takes a pic of zebra
so the weekend comes and the horse comes round to the donkeys, he walks in and there’s this massive picture of a zebra on the wall, huge taking up a whole wall,
“what’s that” say the horse
“ah it’s nothing” says the donkey
“no tell me I wanna know” says the horse
“ah I use to play for Juventus” says the donkey
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Apr 2020
10:25pm, 1 Apr 2020
412 posts
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buttscratcher
So pissed off, the cat just asked me if I want the radio left on while he goes out......little prick
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Apr 2020
9:13am, 2 Apr 2020
5,270 posts
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minardi
I was on a long line at 7:45 am today at Asda that opens at 8 for seniors only.
A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.
He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.
As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you old bastards don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."
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Apr 2020
9:55am, 2 Apr 2020
5,883 posts
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Sigh
^^^brilliant! 
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Apr 2020
10:21am, 2 Apr 2020
5,710 posts
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daz1927
If they gave out awards for being the most pessimistic, I probably even wouldn’t be nominated!
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Apr 2020
10:31am, 2 Apr 2020
7,960 posts
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Binks
If they gave out awards for premature ejaculation, I'd probably come first.
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Apr 2020
2:51pm, 2 Apr 2020
5,711 posts
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daz1927
If they gave out awards for being the most optimistic, obviously I would come first!
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Apr 2020
2:56pm, 2 Apr 2020
5,437 posts
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57.5 Degrees of Pain
If they gave out awards for being the most likely to get kidnapped........
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