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Mar 2020
11:28am, 4 Mar 2020
22,362 posts
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Lizzie W
[a funny looking Frenchman]
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Mar 2020
11:30am, 4 Mar 2020
45,678 posts
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Diogenes
I decided that I now identify myself as a roll on deodorant...
And before you ask..
Yes, I’m Sure.
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Mar 2020
11:54am, 4 Mar 2020
13,619 posts
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richmac
In a similar vein to the previous ‘frog’ gag but I think with a bit more panache….
Three women are having a few drinks and start to discuss their partners, sex and pet names, the first says
“I call my fella racing car, ‘cos he goes real fast and knows how to handle a curve”
Second “I call mine Freight train, ‘cos he’s big, long and goes all night”
Third “I call mine Courvoisier “
The other two a bit confused say “Isn’t that some sort of fancy French liqueur?”
“Hell yeah”
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Mar 2020
12:00pm, 4 Mar 2020
19,283 posts
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Nicholls595
The Pope leaves Vatican City for an official trip to America.
After his flight lands, he is ushered off the plane by the pilot, who says to him "Welcome to America, Elvis. I bet you're glad to be home". To which the Pope replies, "Oh, my son, I am not Elvis. I am the Pope. I am the Holy One." The pilot, visibly embarrassed, immediately apologized.
The Pope was then met by his limo driver at arrivals. The driver opened the door and said, "Good day. I am Charles, and I will be your driver for today, Elvis". The Pope looked at Charles and politely said, "Charles, my son, I am not Elvis. I am The Pope. The Bishop of Rome". Charles immediately apologized, and drove the Pontiff to his hotel.
Once at the hotel, the Pope went to the front desk to check in. The hotel manager met him with enthusiasm and awe. "Welcome to the Plaza Hotel, Elvis. We truly hope you enjoy your stay. If there is anythi..." to which the Pope interrupted, "My son, this is such a lovely hotel, and I am forever grateful for your hospitality. But, I must let you know, I am not Elvis. I am the Pope. I am the Holy One." "Oh, my. Papa, I am truly sorry. Please, let Theodore her take your belongings to your room".
On their way up to the Presidential Suite, Theodore could hardly contain his excitement. Being so close to such an important world figure, was truly overwhelming. But he kept his composure and professionalism, and remained quiet. When they arrived at the room, Theodore spoke sheepishly, "This here is your room Elvis. The 5 buxom strippers you have requested are waiting inside, along with the bottles of champagne and some of Colombia's finest". To which His Holiness replied, "Thank you. Thank you very much!"
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Mar 2020
1:04pm, 4 Mar 2020
10,793 posts
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Markymarkmark
Apparently there is no official training for bin-men.
They are expected to just pick it up as they go along.
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Mar 2020
8:06pm, 4 Mar 2020
689 posts
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Groundhog
[To be read in a Swedish accent]
Swedish pharmacist:
Man: Helloo, I'd like to buy some deödorant please.
Pharmacist: Böll or aresöl?
Man: Neither, I want it för my arempits.
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Mar 2020
8:15pm, 4 Mar 2020
5,293 posts
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57.5 Degrees of Pain
I seem to remember that joke being featured as an old chestnut on 'Not the Nine O'Clock News' in about 1980 Groundhog!
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Mar 2020
8:17pm, 4 Mar 2020
8,012 posts
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GordonG
it was actually called the "Swedish Chemist Joke" on NTNN 
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Mar 2020
10:43pm, 4 Mar 2020
1,697 posts
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JRitchie
Ahhhhhh NTNN.
Do you take American Express?
That’ll do nicely sir, and would you like to rub my tits too?
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Mar 2020
11:55pm, 4 Mar 2020
154 posts
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George Smiley
Wild?
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