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Jun 2017
9:31am, 14 Jun 2017
5,043 posts
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Wobbling
Growing up with a Dad who was a funeral director, we talked about funerals and the admin of passing on a lot. I know my mum doesn't want a Catholic service but she does want it to be Christian and her ashes scattered or buried in her garden.
My Dad used to say he wanted a New Orleans jazz band to see him on his way. Not sure about that now but I will be scattering his ashes over some Dorset cliffs.
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Jun 2017
9:35am, 14 Jun 2017
22,666 posts
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HellsBells
Mum's ashes are under the raspberry canes in the back garden of her house. I sometimes wonder if we should have told the family who bought the house..........
Dad's are on top of Brean Down, one of his favourite walks
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Jun 2017
9:44am, 14 Jun 2017
8,611 posts
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Maz Heeps
Interesting how the sharing of the load varies between siblings....... not just down to geography either.
My sister lives closer, has grown up kids, doesn't work, has a spare room already and yet won't entertain a daily take care package for mum, or having her come live with her.
Yet i work full time, have a teenager, no spare room, very little spare time and yet i'm the one who does most of her care and i'm the one looking for another house so she can live with us.
Her medical needs aren't huge, but her support needs are quite big. She's very deaf, which in itself is draining!
If we live together she will contribute a lot with cooking, laundry, ironing, dog minding etc... so it won't be completely self serving on her part.
For a few years at least i hope!
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Jun 2017
10:06am, 14 Jun 2017
15,349 posts
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Wriggling Snake
I forgot to say thanks Linds for starting the thread.
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Jun 2017
10:08am, 14 Jun 2017
8,612 posts
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Maz Heeps
Definite thanks to Linds.... nice to know we are among people who understand!
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Jun 2017
10:31am, 14 Jun 2017
1,615 posts
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jdarun
Yeah I suppose most people end up here for a while. We've got 4 elderly relatives, two parents, father in law and uncle all 75-85 age range and heading downhill at different speeds. Not too bad so far but difficult times ahead one way or another. Sister is particularly helpful but of course I don't think she should carry the full burden (and FiL isn't her issue at all anyway).
Hope everyone has got PoA worked out, they should be as commonplace as wills. Don't solve the health/finance/care problems but at least prevent some of the extra obstacles popping up at awkward times. Struggling to get stubborn FiL to complete the process...
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Jun 2017
10:49am, 14 Jun 2017
36,347 posts
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Velociraptor
My parents aren't ready to think seriously about LPA (I will probably have an arrangement made with one of my own children before my parents come round to the idea) but have wills and are tidy and organised.
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Jun 2017
11:33am, 14 Jun 2017
9,852 posts
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D2
We will all find ourselves to person who is 'elderly' eventually, some sooner than others  I think this thread discussion is helpful but a bit scary.... I dread the idea of being put in a home myself but I'm sure my kids would not want to have to look after me.. its tough. I will make sure I've done all I can to ease the arrangements for when I go but I'm not sure I would want to hand over power to someone else.
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Jun 2017
11:53am, 14 Jun 2017
22,667 posts
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HellsBells
Mr HB is older than me by 15 years - he's still a very fit 67, but we have already had conversations and are in the process of organising PoA's for each other. We are both more likely to die being knocked off our bikes than from old age currently, but if anything dreadful were to occur to either of us, it would not be helpful for the survivor to not be able to access our own personal bank accounts etc.
We wrote wills when we had our first child 23 years ago - they do need updating
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Jun 2017
11:55am, 14 Jun 2017
18,739 posts
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LazyDaisy
I think the thing to do is to take control of when you need to downsize/accept care/ move into sheltered accommodation, sooner than you might think.
OH's aunt sold her flat and moved into a residential home of her own choosing when she was an extremely fit and functioning 90 year old. We all said 'Why? You're perfectly ok where you are?' and her answer was that she wanted to do it while it was her choice, and she could oversee the sale and distribution of her stuff as she wanted rather than it being a hurried ' just clear the house' type of event (which is what's happening to my mother's stuff.)
Last summer I was trying to persuade my mother to move into sheltered accommodation near me and took her to view some flats that were available. I was interested to chat to one of the residents, a woman in her 70's. She had moved in nearly 10 years previously because she no longer wanted the responsibility of looking after a too-big house and garden, and she wanted some company but still the independence of her own little flat. She enjoyed all the social aspects of living there and it seemed to me like a very sensible decision.
My mother turned down the flat because she wanted to hang on to her house even though she simply couldn't cope there any more. I really do believe that had she moved into that flat last year she would still be living there, with a degree more independence than she has now.
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