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Dec 2023
10:52pm, 17 Dec 2023
83,359 posts
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Diogenes
Parents don’t call. Either it doesn’t occur to them or they don’t want to bother you. My mum used to say all sorts of things about me out of the blue, such as I’d washed my hands of her or that she wasn’t welcome at Christmas. It was painful, but not her fault.
It’s hard to take when people who have done nothing for most of their lives but think of you can’t even think of themselves.
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Dec 2023
12:54am, 18 Dec 2023
26,098 posts
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Bazoaxe
We found Mil in a bit of a mess on Saturday. It took our whole visit to get her cleaned and sorted and then the carer arrived
She was completely unable to walk and barely able to speak. Mrs axe will call the gp tomorrow
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Dec 2023
5:06am, 18 Dec 2023
49,851 posts
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EvilPixie
Oh I am sorry Baz
Hope GP can help and quickly
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Dec 2023
6:41am, 18 Dec 2023
6,798 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Sorry to hear that Baz.
Pix - you can't control what your mum does but you can control how you react to it. I know it's not easy but if you are comfortable with your choices your conscience should be clear. Don't you work in customer services? It's that deep breath, be reasonable without giving in sort of response that's required.
Linds - sorry to hear that your mum is still dragging you down. Lots of 'is that what you think?' and 'interesting' comments so that yoou don't engage in the conversation or end up in conflict with her?
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Dec 2023
6:49am, 18 Dec 2023
3,154 posts
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Big_G
Happy G, this is the third Christmas that I’ve been thinking could be Dad’s last. The nurses have turned him ‘a bouncer’ - ie, he keeps on bouncing back from one serious ailment after another. Of course one Christmas it will be his last and I did feel guilty for going over to Netherlands last year for Xmas. My partner is Dutch and we weren’t able to travel in 20/21 for obvious reasons, so went last year. But we’re going to try and make it nice this year, which won’t be easy in the circumstances as he is basically bed bound.
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Dec 2023
8:25am, 18 Dec 2023
65,552 posts
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LindsD
Thanks LMH
I have stopped calling her every Sunday. So much so that she said 'that's a nice surprise' when I called 🤔. I often say 'that doesn't sound very nice' which I learnt from OH. I think she would interpret 'is that what you think' as a challenge but I'll give it a go. As you said to Pix, if she chooses to wallow in the negative, that's her choice. I can choose how I react to it.
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Dec 2023
8:26am, 18 Dec 2023
65,553 posts
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LindsD
Sorry to hear that Baz
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Dec 2023
8:47am, 18 Dec 2023
48,926 posts
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Merry Christmas and Happy NewG(rrr)
That sounds nasty Baz. She does sound like she needs full time care to be honest.
Thanks everyone. Yes Big G, I suspect my mum will be pretty resilient. But any one serious illness like pneumonia that she had a couple of times a few years ago, given how weak she is, might do for her. Who knows though. As long as she's as comfortable and happy as poss in the in between times.  G
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Dec 2023
10:23am, 18 Dec 2023
26,099 posts
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Bazoaxe
Thanks all.
There was at one point a horrible hacking cough and we wondered if there was pneumonia again. GP coming out at lunch time to check her over
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Dec 2023
10:42am, 18 Dec 2023
22,869 posts
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I saw 3Ms come sailing in
Given my Mum is now 4 years on from her final fall, which has left her bedridden/hoisted 100% dependent on care, after which we (and the medics) were surprised that she came home from hospital, and had COPD even before that, and at last count 14 discrete "chronic" ailments, and now into her second year of dementia, I've gradually come to think there are probably worse things than not seeing another Christmas. She has good days (hours?) though, so it's not as though she's "all gone", either. Very hard, but more so for my sister who lives with her.
(By the way, prior to all that, she hadn't picked up the phone to call us for the previous 7 or 8 years either!)
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