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Jun 2017
10:48pm, 16 Jun 2017
11,999 posts
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Carpathius
Just spent a couple of hours with MiL after a tearful phone call earlier.
She needs an aortic bypass and graft due to an aneurysm. She does know this, and I've been over it with her, but she forgets and so when she gets or finds a letter from Papworth, she panics all over again.
The op needs to be done soon as the aneurysm could go at any time. The cardiac consultant basically told her that she might only survive 3 or 4 months without the op. However, open heart surgery on a frail smoker who barely eats brings its own risks.
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Jun 2017
11:32pm, 16 Jun 2017
13,635 posts
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pedroscalls
My mum was the same as Westmoor's about if she got dementia she wouldn't expect us to visit or care for her but to put her in a home. I'm not sure that's going to happen as she's got cancer in the kidney, breast and bones.
My aunt 82, lives in the care home that I work in, she's totally convinced that I'm her brother (my dad) but he's been dead for 8 years now. She's been going downhill for years, I remember about 10 years ago she was convinced that Toria and Abbie had visited her but she didn't let them in because of not letting in strangers. She has really gone downhill in the last couple of years and now is wheelchair bound and not able to do very much at all.
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Jun 2017
7:32am, 17 Jun 2017
1,708 posts
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Fitz
Checking in. Mum, 79, severe dementia and now has very limited speech and very poor mobility. In a care home which doesn't do a great job of even the basics of care, in my opinion. I feel guilty about not going to see her frequently enough and I feel blue when I do see her.
Dad, 72, in reasonably good shape despite years of drinking, smoking and no exercise other than physical labour. We didn't speak for many years, I don't worry about him but I don't look forward to the day he's not there any more.
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Jun 2017
11:11am, 17 Jun 2017
31,742 posts
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.B.
Fitz I used to find visits to FiL in the care home really tough emotionally Fitz. I think for me it was as much about being confronted with my own mortality and fear of ending up there as it was concern for FiL. He had good carers though. Have you told anyone of your conerns about the level of care?
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Jun 2017
1:54pm, 17 Jun 2017
13,153 posts
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Columba
HellsBells - thanks for the reference to the driving website. It seems that it really puts the onus on the driver to pass relevant health information to the DVLA. I know several people who have stopped driving because their GP has advised it, including one whose GP said she should stop for a limited period of time while her medication was adjusted, and who is now driving again without problems (apparently). I had assumed that doctors could notify to the DVLA "this person has such-and-such a health condition, which makes him/her liable to cause an accident if in charge of a motor vehicle". Evidently they can't, they can only tell the person and hope he/she passes the information on.
Read somewhere that Einstein in old age was informed he had an aneurysm and needed an operation for it. He declined the op. "Let it burst", he said. Which it did.
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Jun 2017
2:24pm, 17 Jun 2017
22,684 posts
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HellsBells
It's actually really difficult for doctors to assess driving ability which is why the elderly driver assessments are a good idea. A lot of driving is ingrained behaviour which persists for quite a long time and as I said before the crashes the elderly have tend to be low speed and low impact - statistically they are actually very safe looking at fatality rates. A huge number of fatalities are caused by drivers aged 17-25, but no-one suggests they should be stopped from driving
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Jun 2017
4:20pm, 17 Jun 2017
1,114 posts
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Silvershadow
As someone who's Dr suggested I didn't drive whist a medical issue was investigated I can understand just how cross an elderly person might be if a family member took away their car keys. I couldn't go shopping or visit anyone or get to running club on my own. I would have to rely on family or friends to take me and it would have to be when they could do it and my life had to change to fit much more around other people. I felt I had to justify every trip. I am lucky to be able to cycle/run and walk but I still felt confined to the house.
It made me feel extremely low.
Luckily I was eventually passed fit.
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Jun 2017
8:14pm, 18 Jun 2017
11,450 posts
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Bazoaxe
Today we were visiting MiL and just as we were about to leave (as hoping to see my son who is just back from 10 days visiting his GF in germany before he goes to work and on fathers day etc). MiL says I didnt tell you about my adventures.
She proceeds to then say at 4:45am on satiurday she wasnt quite asleep and heard keys in her door. She then heard male voices whispering and so she hid under her covers. The men went to her dining room where she has endless paperwork, and quite lots of financial stuff of which I am unaware of details. They also went to the kitchen where there was £500 but it wasnt touched, Then they left and locked up
MiL has a key safe for carers so its possible someone was given the code. She says nothing is missing and the money is untouched. Have they taken any paperwork and is it of any use ? WHo knows?
We called the police and have on their advice changed the code to the key safe and told no one outside me, wife and BiL. Police cant come out until wednesday.
MiL suspect next door neighbour is illegally hosting lodgers ( the flat missives dont allow) and somehow they got the wrong house by mistake and isnt worried about what happened - hence why she didnt tell anyone or phone police. Her reason for this are the shoes left outside, which we just think is normal.
Apparently sometime in the last week or so her bell was rung at 4:45am and she didnt answer. Details on this sketchy
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Jun 2017
8:20pm, 18 Jun 2017
18,776 posts
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LazyDaisy
Hmm Bazoaxe - my mother had no end of stories about the next door neighbours doing all sorts of nefarious things (including using her electricity and water to run their washing machine) so had she told us a similar tale I doubt that I would have taken it seriously!
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Jun 2017
8:41pm, 18 Jun 2017
11,451 posts
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Bazoaxe
she has recently seen a mouse in her kitchen which she also put down to the neighbour and some works he was doing in his flat
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The Sandwich Generation - Aged Ps and children to care for?
Jun 2023