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Jun 2017
3:18pm, 16 Jun 2017
29,568 posts
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McGoohan
It's not good, but it's been a long slow decline. We went on hol with them in 2008 and the Alzheimer's signs were already starting back then. They lost their mobile phone somewhere and were up all night, they later told us, looking for it. Despite claiming they'd checked their car three times, our eldest had a look and found it in the car door.
What was particularly upsetting was
a) how upset they got about trying to find it
b) They were rental cars - we took them back to the rental place & got a train back to London. When Liebling suggested if we got separated on the underground they could catch up with us later on their mobile. The FiL said, 'Oh, did we bring a phone?'
It was then that we realised something was 'up' that was worse than simple 'bad memory'.
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Jun 2017
3:21pm, 16 Jun 2017
17,656 posts
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LindsD
Sounds like my Mum 
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Jun 2017
6:43pm, 16 Jun 2017
8,981 posts
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Rosehip
and my dad
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Jun 2017
7:13pm, 16 Jun 2017
18,762 posts
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LazyDaisy
I brought my mum to our house for her morning coffee today (bit selfish as it meant I could do a few chores while chatting to her, instead of sitting in a cafe or in the residents lounge trying to think of something to talk about). I showed her some photos we'd brought over from her house - snaps from our childhood Cornish holidays. For about 5 or 6 years we always went with my uncle (her brother) and aunt - travelling together in one car.
There was a photo of all of us at Lands End. 'Oh", she said, 'We must have bumped into Billy and Ivy down there!' When I said no, we'd all gone together, she was very puzzled and clearly couldn't remember.
I'm used to her non-existent short-term memory, but forgetting something like that is a new loss, and it made me very sad.
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Jun 2017
7:23pm, 16 Jun 2017
13,150 posts
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Columba
Like lammo, I'm inclined to think that Ratcliffe is a saint.
If somebody has strong feelings about who their property should/shouldn't go to, failing to write a will can be a very bad idea.
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Jun 2017
7:49pm, 16 Jun 2017
19,989 posts
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Red Squirrel
What a great thread idea. Our old biddies can be a real worry, can't they?
My mum was in and out of hospital earlier this year with mental and physical health issues. Exhausting for my dad as they're both in their eighties. I'm an only child too and my flat went on the market the day mum was admitted after a bad fall so it was a real juggling act for a while as mum had several stays and work were not keen on giving me leave at short notice or any flexibility with working hours to go to visit and run errands. Mum has a big family in Scotland but there's nowhere for them to stay even though they're keen to come down. The biddies have a tiny bungalow and I have a small 1-bedroomed flat. Such a shame. They really miss her but she's too mentally vulnerable to travel to see them, even with me accompanying her. Dad is a dominating curmudgeon unfortunately. I know it's difficult for him too, but there it is. I was only given the full picture recently from him about mum's mental health.
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Jun 2017
8:15pm, 16 Jun 2017
1,676 posts
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@Madhousehold
Hello *waves*
Mum 82 alcoholic with alcohol-related dementia. Also bronchitis issues.
Bizarrely a recent health check found her health to be only slightly impaired by her e cesses.
My sister and I are trying to buy her a sheltered accommodation flat but nothing seems to be happening.
I sometimes struggle to remember what she was like when she was a real person. It seems so long ago. 😢
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Jun 2017
8:25pm, 16 Jun 2017
4,577 posts
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postieboy
My Mum is 74 and has been living alone since my Dad died of cancer 3 years ago. I live over 100 miles away and feel completely helpless. I'd move her over to my part of the world so she has family near but she refuses to go anywhere. Whilst she's still physically well (fit as a butcher's dog) and has her faculties about her, I'm powerless to do anything. My regular phone calls and all too infrequent visits thanks to crap work patterns and travel costs are inadequate but what else can I do?
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Jun 2017
8:34pm, 16 Jun 2017
1,624 posts
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jdarun
McG, I realise this isn't a thread for being preachy, but I have to wonder if it's a good idea for your FiL to be driving. What brought it to mind is my dad saying just now he's decided it is time to stop, in reality he hasn't driven for a couple of years but now acknowledges that he really shouldn't.
It's actually sis who is most urgently ill right now, parents have enough of their own troubles without that. Can't be helped tho (and I'm very pleased and lucky to be in a position to help a bit, many of you have much greater struggles).
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Jun 2017
8:49pm, 16 Jun 2017
18,763 posts
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LazyDaisy
We had to be quite forceful with my mum to make her give up driving (at 90.) She still resents having done so and says a lot of her decline resulted from that loss of independence. In truth, the decline was already very noticeable and the reason why we felt she should give up. I do think giving up made things worse, but really how awful would it have been if she'd caused an accident?
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