Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.
146 watchers
Jun 2017
9:00pm, 16 Jun 2017
1,904 posts
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Fragile Do Not Bend
Madhousehold - that must be tough to deal with. How long has she been alcoholic?
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Jun 2017
9:07pm, 16 Jun 2017
11,445 posts
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Bazoaxe
jda, capability to drive safely is a conundrum. I dont believe my MiL should be driving. In fact she keeps having bashes = all minor thankfully. I really worry that at some point something unthinkable happens. Its not for me to make a call on really but I did ask the social workers once and they essentially said its not for the authorities and its up to the individual or the family. There would be massive fall out if my wife or I tried to force the issue. We have tactfully raised the topic and while she is saying she will give up soon and agrees she will not drive in the dark, she still drives. In fact she would rather drive to get shopping to save us the hassle of shopping for her, even though we shop for ourselves and go visit and its no ask over and above what we do anyway I remember my parents having a similar issue with my grandfather and my mum asked the doctor if he could stop him driving on medical grounds. The answer was that they couldnt as it was the only thing he had left that he enjoyed. |
Jun 2017
9:22pm, 16 Jun 2017
29,582 posts
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McGoohan
jdarun & Baz - yep, I agree. I have the worry that one day, he'll pull out at the wrong time and cause a big accident. The trouble is they're in that village miles from anywhere. I wish they'd moved to a town with a bit more infrastructure so they could have walked down to the shops etc. So I think the 'you need to stop driving' conversation also comes with a 'you need to move' conversation. And *then* you've got the stress of the move - he can't really cope with sleeping under an unfamiliar roof anymore. I think he wakes up in the morning and has to work out where and when he is first. They've been in this house nearly 20 years and the daft thing is they moved from a much better supplied village near Bristol to be 'near the family' but they're almost more difficult to get to in Sussex! |
Jun 2017
9:54pm, 16 Jun 2017
17,671 posts
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LindsD
I remember my mum and gran taking my grandad's car keys from him.
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Jun 2017
10:01pm, 16 Jun 2017
23,596 posts
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Diogenes
I visited Mum this evening. In some ways it's getting sad as its getting harder to see her as my Mum and not just a problem to be managed. That's not how I see her, not as a problem, more of a worry, a time bomb worry of increasing intractabilty. She's always thanking me for all I've done, even when I've done nothing. One question. When my Dad died he left everything to Mum in his will. I never did probate or anything, just informed everyone who needed to know. Might I have missed something? |
Jun 2017
10:13pm, 16 Jun 2017
7,538 posts
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Duchess
Well legally you "have" to get probate to "prove" the will, but if you didn't avoid any tax, and everything went where the will asked for it to go, I shouldn't imagine it's the end of the world.
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Jun 2017
10:16pm, 16 Jun 2017
22,679 posts
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HellsBells
On the subject of driving, many driving instructors offer elderly driver assessments and can give good advice. The elderly tend to have a lot of low speed, low impact prangs. It's the high speed crashes of the young that kill and maim. Many really quite confused older folk can continue to drive safely as long as they stick to familiar routes and daylight.
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Jun 2017
10:16pm, 16 Jun 2017
23,597 posts
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Diogenes
I didn't know I was supposed to do it and I didn't read anything about it in any of the bereavement literate I read. Funnily enough, I dealt with the probate form for my Father-in-law. |
Jun 2017
10:20pm, 16 Jun 2017
1,625 posts
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jdarun
Yeah I know the driving thing is difficult. IMO doctors need to step up to the plate a bit more, after all we have no legal right whatsoever to stop an aged relative from driving. Taking away the keys is basically theft whatever the good intentions behind it. Of course in the overall scheme of things old drivers don't usually cause a great deal of harm (though I imagine that's little comfort to those few who are harmed).
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Jun 2017
10:21pm, 16 Jun 2017
22,680 posts
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HellsBells
Age uk driving advice here ageuk.org.uk If you haven't found it already, the ageuk site has lots of information about many areas and is worth a look round |
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