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Jun 2021
2:02pm, 19 Jun 2021
116 posts
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Dave..M
So sorry Dio
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Jun 2021
2:28pm, 19 Jun 2021
4,655 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Sorry for your loss Dio.
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Jun 2021
2:45pm, 19 Jun 2021
573 posts
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The Pin Lady
Sorry to hear this Dio.
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Jun 2021
4:47pm, 19 Jun 2021
860 posts
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CK2
Thinking of you Dio.
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Jun 2021
10:01pm, 19 Jun 2021
25,170 posts
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Lizzie Whizz
((Dio))
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Jun 2021
8:23am, 20 Jun 2021
960 posts
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Big_G
Had a really distressed Dad on the phone at 6am this morning. It all kicked off again at the rehab place yesterday and he phoned me to go and get him to take him home, and I said "No, Dad. I can't do that". He got really angry, frustrated, upset and sarcastically/frustratedly said "well, thanks for nothing", told me he didn't want to see me again and hung up. I know he felt I was his last hope of getting him out, but I can't go and get him as he can't go home as he is. It's just impossible. I tried to call back, but no answer, so spoke to the care staff and again they were having issues with him using the hoist, but told me not to worry and were very calm/calming to me. They called back an hour or so later and said he was happy, eating, watching TV etc.
Anyway, I of course as going to ignore what he said about him not wanting to see me again, and was going over today anyway for Father's Day....I'd already planned this. But he called this morning saying things like "I'm sorry, son", "I shouldn't have said what I said", "Will you still come and see me?", "Will you still talk to me?", etc etc absolutely sobbing his heart out. I just said "of course I'm still seeing you, don't worry, I'm thinking of you all the time", etc etc, but when I hung up I was overwhelmed myself and was then started sobbing myself. Hearing him like that is so upsetting/distressing. I just don't know what else to do; he's in the best place and I think he does know that really, but he's just so desperately unhappy  It's a nice place, comfortable, nice food, nice gardens, etc. If it was some shit hole I'd take him out, but it's not....it's nice.
Thankfully I have a very understanding partner who is supporting me, I can still Zwift, go for runs etc, and I have a flexible life where I can see him when I need. But I'm just at a loss really. I don't think there is anything else I can do as I'm doing all I can and I'm doing my best, but he's still utterly dejected.
Not sure if this is the done thing, but I wonder if he may need some meds to help stabilise him a bit. I may investigate that.
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Jun 2021
8:56am, 20 Jun 2021
7,750 posts
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TeeBee
That sounds so tough on you Big_G. I'm so sorry. I hope when you go to see him today it will feel better. It really does sound like he's in the right place. I suspect it's difficult fit him to come to terms with his situation.
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Jun 2021
9:24am, 20 Jun 2021
47,827 posts
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LindsD
That sounds very hard to deal with Big_G. I know Mum has been given various anti-ds and anti-anxiety medication but she never sticks at taking them. You may be right though, perhaps a discussion to be had if he's so unhappy. I hope today goes better.
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Jun 2021
10:25am, 20 Jun 2021
12,036 posts
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Mandymoo
Thata sounds really hard to deal with and we had a similar thing with Mum when she went into the home too. Thankfully she did settle down and is now 90% of the time happy there - she has always liked to have a moan.
I hope seeing him today helps settle you both xx
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Jun 2021
11:42am, 20 Jun 2021
10,390 posts
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jda
It sounds distressing Big_G. You are not responsible for someone else’s state of mind. If you’ve got them in a good place being well looked after, that’s all you can do. My Dad was often quite unhappy and morose in his care home, but that’s the person he was combined with his awareness of his failing mind.
Corporal decline and failure is a sad thing for many people, there’s no getting away from that!
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