Autism

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The great dollop Dec 2022 3:37pm, 3 Dec 2022 1,071 posts	0 The great dollop thanks 1step2far - I think Acceptance is really the name of the game here. It took 5 years from seeing my doctor for help and this diagnosis - the system is totlly overloaded and under staffed. Acceptance that it's ok for me to say to someone "I'm sorry but I genuinely don't know what you mean - it seems like you're speaking in riddles - tell me direct I won't be offended !" - would be an entirely practical application of this self-knowledge. Given how long this has taken - If I was a 6year old kid to start off with - I'd be 11 by now and probably significantly under supported. Saying that I read through all my school reports from 5 to 18 yesterday - and it's just littered with feedback that basically flags I struggled socially, had masses of potential but somehow couldn't put it into the "normal" behaviour or academic framework the schools needed me to shape it to (because I just couldn't understand what social normative behaviour was required), and despite considerable effort and application didn't do as well as they had hoped on all fronts. Combined with "oh look isn't he doing well at creative stuff when he's left to his own devices..." Just glad the level 1 comment has pushed a few conversations here. As far as I was told - Level 3 is 24hr care/support. Level one means you've crossed the quite high bar of diagnosis, probably also have a consistent lifetime of autistic challenges and behaviours and yes - needs support. It is definetly more than "has a few autistic traits" - which can apply to almost anyone at some point. Apparently Level one support does mean you can ask for a double time appointment with the GP so you can make sure they understand your symptoms and you understand their diagnosis and questions - and full time is given for the conversation to be fully understood. And - simple things like that - actually mean a great deal - because I've always felt rushed and hurried and a bit unsure after GP appointments. So - that sort of support - is really ideal. I'm going to go off and read up on things like the autism act 2009 and autism.org.uk to understand more of the gritty detail - hopefully there will be some nuggets of good and helpful tips in there.
Ness Dec 2022 4:28pm, 3 Dec 2022 27,021 posts	0 Ness Sadly true, mr d.
Flatlander Dec 2022 4:28pm, 3 Dec 2022 2,629 posts	0 Flatlander The great dollop It sounds as if your diagnosis is already starting to show some benefits for you.
The great dollop Dec 2022 12:41pm, 14 Dec 2022 1,073 posts	0 The great dollop AS I'm unravelling my own diagnosis, I wanted to understand more and have found an autism specialist counsellor as well. As part of their reccomended reading list was this wonderful book (as I wanted to consider my Mother's behaviours) esecially because female autism is a minutely understood thing / not understood whatsoever "Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age " amzn.to And my new coach recommended this too 2008 The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome amzn.to Having now read the first one about Female ASD, it is a)clear that my mother was autistic and horrendously (and commonly for the 80's) diagnosed with bipolar, depression, narcissism and also was probably not given the right HRT because of it, and all her CBT would have been wrong. A concoction of problems that literally was a deadly combination. b) Helpfully the book has real quoted examples of femail ASD observations, opinions, preferences, life choices, behaviours, habits, hobbies, sports and interests - and as such might as well be my wifes autobiography. SO a) is not a problem but more an understanding and acceptance, and a mission of sorts to make sure that the problems she faced unecessarily don't repeat for someone else. b)following the rules of never diagnose or tell someone they're autistic, and let them discover it for themselves, and also that she was and is still seriously objecting to and not in any way accepting or wanting to start to use my diagnosis to help adapt and understand the "new normal" around here for the better or being supportive - because if it's true - then she's unlikely to be able to support me /the situation anyway - what the hell do I do ? I've got some ideas, but some external contribution and perspectives would be helpful to fill in my blind spots. Newly diagnosed + anothers denial and not diagnosed = what ?...
elfpint Dec 2022 1:16pm, 14 Dec 2022 38,654 posts	0 elfpint Hmm! Perhaps given you are just dealing with your own diagnosis it is easier to focus on what you need for now. Does your partner need to understand and accept the diagnosis to understand and accept your specific needs and support you. Do they recognise there are things you find challenging? Change is hard so maybe focus on one small change at s time that could help you.
The great dollop Dec 2022 1:43pm, 14 Dec 2022 1,074 posts	0 The great dollop Thanks halfpint I'm aiming to get as much help and more succesful coping behaviour guides that fit well for me and the family - in as much as that will make all our lives smoother - for me and for them if it improves outcomes for them too. However to your point, the better half as yet has been against me getting diagnosed and struggling to assymilate what it means now I am diagnosed. This is a person with a distiction in her MBA, and quite able to research and read up or even just read some of the factual stuff I've shared from my diagnostician/clinical nurse. So it's probably more wilful denial than ability to understand openly. ULtimately we are probably in the hillarious circle of two autists trying to communicate badly to each other, with one trying to modify to help neurotypical people help him, whist obviously the point is that they are probably also neurodynamic (not typical!) - and probably in denial about both of them. It's not obvious yet if that is their concious denial of ASD on either count. So, now that's all exhausting enough - I think you're right and I'll just focus on me for now !
halfpint Feb 2023 8:11am, 16 Feb 2023 39,091 posts	0 halfpint Currently watching the Chris Packham programme. It’s absolutely fascinating but has already made me quite emotional. I think I’d like QP to watch it. I sometimes forget he’s autistic and I think maybe I expect too much of him.
swittle Feb 2023 9:49am, 16 Feb 2023 95,020 posts	0 swittle I thought 'Inside Our Autistic Minds' (BBC) was a remarkably personal and powerful document: a window into the worlds of people who live with ASD; a priceless opportunity for others to learn more. live alongside, and understand better.
JK chameleon Feb 2023 10:37am, 16 Feb 2023 17,446 posts	0 JK chameleon Housemate cheekily suggested I watch that, mainly as he knows I can't stand Packham. Is it worth persevering with?
Pothunter Feb 2023 11:32am, 16 Feb 2023 7,368 posts	0 Pothunter I enjoyed it. Would have liked more female representation but overall a very powerful show.