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Dec 2020
10:10am, 9 Dec 2020
3,120 posts
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TomahawkMike
The government of Egypt has instructed Taxi drivers to drive around Cairo sounding their horns. It's hoped that a return to familiar city sounds will help restore calm following the pandemic. Operation "Toot N Calm Em" will last for a week.
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Dec 2020
10:11am, 9 Dec 2020
533 posts
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faithfulred
How do you make a dog drink?
Put it in the blender
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Dec 2020
10:14am, 9 Dec 2020
47,596 posts
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McGoohan
I got stung in one of those scams where you pay a sum into a scheme every month, but then at the end you find out there's nothing left in the pot for you.
National Insurance.
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Dec 2020
10:19am, 9 Dec 2020
560 posts
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Gogsy!
Why didn't Santa like having to isolate for 14 days?
Claustrophobia.
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Dec 2020
10:22am, 9 Dec 2020
13 posts
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chrismasteeniee
Why was the snowman rummaging through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
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Dec 2020
10:26am, 9 Dec 2020
10,308 posts
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lammo
Nico has been watching Gary Delaney
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Dec 2020
10:26am, 9 Dec 2020
47,597 posts
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McGoohan
An Alien walks into a bar.
The landlord asks "Pint of bitter?"
"No thanks," says the Alien "I'm into Stella."
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Dec 2020
10:26am, 9 Dec 2020
47,598 posts
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McGoohan
Aged 10) blow and make a wish = birthday cake
Aged 40) blow and make a wish = breathalyzer
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Dec 2020
10:27am, 9 Dec 2020
34,369 posts
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LorraineS
What do you call a man with a puffin on his head?
Cliff
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Dec 2020
10:34am, 9 Dec 2020
3,822 posts
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um 🎄
Updating an old one for modern politic satire ... (or not)
Boris is flying off to meet Ursula von der Leyen for the final last chance Brexit talks.
He was seated next to a 10-year-old girl on the plane. Being bored, he turned to the girl and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The girl, who was reading a book, closed it slowly and replied, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said Boris, "How about these Brexit conditions and compromises?"
"OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat the same stuff... grass. Yet a deer excretes little dry pellets, while a cow turns out a flat squishy patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Boris, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thought about it and said, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the girl replied, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss Brexit when you don't know shit?"
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Mundane Joke Thread
Nov 2021