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Sep 2020
10:40am, 25 Sep 2020
32,192 posts
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Old Croc
Mark was on his way home from work & he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s 5th birthday coming up.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop & asks the shop owner: "Hello! How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?"
Shop owner: "Which one are you referring to, Sir?"
The shop owner continues: “We have Work-Out Barbie, Shopping Barbie, Beach Barbie, Disco Barbie, Ballerina Barbie, Astronaut Barbie, Skater Barbie, these are all priced at $19.95, except for Divorced Barbie which is at $265.95."
Mark, very amazed at the price difference asks: "It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 & the others only $19.95?".
With a sigh, the shop owner replies:
"Sir… Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s Fancy Sports Car, Ken’s Mansion, Ken’s Luxury Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends & only for this special edition, it also comes with a key chain made with Ken’s balls."
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Sep 2020
11:44am, 25 Sep 2020
1,247 posts
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mushroom
I've recently started a company that manufactures over-sized sinks.
Does anybody on here mind if I give it a big plug..?
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Sep 2020
9:26pm, 25 Sep 2020
8,035 posts
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Binks
Sean Connery is such a sumptuous mathematician that even the most basic sum he knows is too plush to wish for.
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Sep 2020
10:14pm, 25 Sep 2020
8,330 posts
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GordonG
^ bit convoluted but I got there 
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Sep 2020
7:28am, 26 Sep 2020
37,181 posts
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Nellers
Yes GordonG. I feel like I did more working out there than most sumptuous mathematicians.
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Sep 2020
7:59am, 26 Sep 2020
885 posts
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colindglen
At what time does Sean Connery arrive at Wimbledon?
Tennish
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Sep 2020
9:43pm, 26 Sep 2020
13,319 posts
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Jock Itch
The inventor of the sexual innuendo has passed away today. His wife is taking it really hard.
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Sep 2020
8:52am, 28 Sep 2020
5,900 posts
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daz1927
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?
I don't know and I don't care.
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Sep 2020
8:54am, 28 Sep 2020
5,901 posts
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daz1927
I know a killer Covid 19 joke but there's a 99.9% chance you wouldn't get it
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Sep 2020
8:56am, 28 Sep 2020
5,902 posts
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daz1927
I see the government has now banned Sweet Caroline.
There will be no:
Reaching out,
Touching hands,
Touching me
Touching you.
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