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May 2018
7:30am, 4 May 2018
1,846 posts
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peachy
Went to see the doctor about my blocked ear.
"Which ear is it?" he asked.
"2018." I replied.
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May 2018
4:16pm, 4 May 2018
149 posts
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RussellW
Have you heard about Mickey Mouse's helicopter?
Disneyland
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May 2018
6:32pm, 5 May 2018
286 posts
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caw
I wanted to be a Gregorian monk, but I never got the chants.
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May 2018
8:17pm, 5 May 2018
12,469 posts
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Jock Itch
I was at my mate's stag night yesterday, his brother and mates handed me a glass full of yellow, lukewarm liquid.
"Drink it" he said giggling...
It was only when I smelt it that I realised the prank the bastards were trying to pull...
Carlsberg!
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May 2018
10:22pm, 5 May 2018
25,293 posts
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JulesR
The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?"
"None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But, he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal; then ask him to play Benjamin Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."
Everyone agreed it was an excellent idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play.
The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, Your Holiness," said Nicklaus.
"Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.
"Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous."
"What's the bad news? the Pope asked.
Cardinal Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by two strokes.”
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May 2018
9:17pm, 6 May 2018
2 posts
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RunnerBean2
When yr training for a 10k do you start of slow or just run as normal?
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May 2018
5:28pm, 7 May 2018
14,556 posts
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Ted
I've forgotten the Roman Numerals for One, Thousand, Fifty One, Six and Five Hundred.
I'M LIVID
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May 2018
8:43am, 8 May 2018
15,663 posts
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Stander
If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic
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May 2018
10:21am, 8 May 2018
445 posts
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Superjools
What cheese is made backwards?
Edam
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May 2018
12:04pm, 8 May 2018
484 posts
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Nessie
Oh, we haven't had the cheese jokes for a while 
What cheese do you use to get a grizzly to come down from a tree?
Camambert.
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