Joke of the day........

7 lurkers | 504 watchers
Jock Itch
Jock Itch
Apr 2018
8:06pm, 26 Apr 2018
12,458 posts
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Jock Itch
I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up...

That’s me in the Korma!
Sigh
Sigh
Apr 2018
4:30pm, 27 Apr 2018
1,595 posts
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Sigh
Nintendo have just brought out a new game about a little Scottish boy who goes around swearing at everybody....

It's called Wii Bastard!
Pothunter
Pothunter
Apr 2018
9:52pm, 28 Apr 2018
472 posts
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Pothunter
[a few days old now, but worth a share anyway]

Just heard the royal baby is “doing well”.

“Well!”
He’s only been on the planet 5 minutes, he’s already a prince, absolutely loaded and never going to have to work a day in his life.

I’d say he’s fucking smashing it!
Maclennane
Maclennane
Apr 2018
11:49am, 30 Apr 2018
19,770 posts
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Maclennane
The bloke on the till at tesco just said "wanna box for your groceries?"
I managed to placate him and we agreed I could just pay on my card.
Jock Itch
Jock Itch
Apr 2018
5:04pm, 30 Apr 2018
12,465 posts
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Jock Itch
In light of the proposed merger of Asda and Sainsbury's,
Marks and Spencer, and Poundstretcher are merging. The new company will be called Stretchmarks....
Binks
Binks
May 2018
8:17am, 1 May 2018
7,803 posts
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Binks
Amber Rudd resigned on 29th April.

Just before May.
kwala
kwala
May 2018
8:37am, 1 May 2018
6,163 posts
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kwala
Very nice, Binks.
Jock Itch
Jock Itch
May 2018
3:32pm, 1 May 2018
12,466 posts
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Jock Itch
My mother used to say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

Lovely woman, terrible surgeon.
Jock Itch
Jock Itch
May 2018
6:16pm, 1 May 2018
12,467 posts
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Jock Itch
Went into Greggs this morning and ordered a hot chocolate, but they added a shot of coffee to it.

They’ve made a mochary of me
Jock Itch
Jock Itch
May 2018
7:56pm, 3 May 2018
12,468 posts
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Jock Itch
There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing, "I want to know what love is."

Bloody Foreigner.

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