Giving up sex?

85 watchers

Oysterboy Feb 2013 1:18pm, 27 Feb 2013 5,751 posts	0 Oysterboy You can.
Ted Feb 2013 1:19pm, 27 Feb 2013 12,700 posts	0 Ted
Nick Cook Feb 2013 1:47pm, 27 Feb 2013 11,545 posts	0 Nick Cook Thanks Santa, but it doesn't feel like rejection. If she doesn't like it then she doesn't like it. I don't think she doesn't like me. I never try and make her do anything she doesn't want to do, and I think we'll get along ok. Yes, I'd like more sex, but I'm not going to make a big issue of it if she doesn't like it.
Nick Cook Feb 2013 1:47pm, 27 Feb 2013 11,546 posts	0 Nick Cook Yet.
Son of a Pronator Man Feb 2013 2:00pm, 27 Feb 2013 6,878 posts	0 Son of a Pronator Man I only logged on to record some training, got engrossed in this thread and then logged off again without recording the training. I had to come back to do that. Should I put that on the "senior moments" thread ?
Fellrunning Feb 2013 2:00pm, 27 Feb 2013 755 posts	0 Fellrunning Soooo have we done enough on this thread to preciptate a Guardian/Channel 4 expose about the seedy world of online running communities where sex is openly discussed etc,. etc,. The softly spoken Irish dude who talks with his head on one side and did the ones about Second Life and Haribo Hotel would be ideal.
Son of a Pronator Man Feb 2013 2:02pm, 27 Feb 2013 6,879 posts	0 Son of a Pronator Man It's the effect of all those Guardian readers. We never spoke about sex before they came.
Jambomo Feb 2013 2:05pm, 27 Feb 2013 3,640 posts	0 Jambomo Sex in relationships is a funny one, people seem reluctant to consider it an important part of a normal relationship, it isn't a right but equally I don't think it's fair to just say 'I'm not doing it anymore' and expect a partner to a) Just accept that decision without question and b) essential do without themselves. There are consequences to decisions and making a big decision not to have sex will have an impact on your relationship I.e partners looking elsewhere, splitting up etc - where the decision is one-sided. That said if both are happy with it then fine, its not as though a relationship cannot exist without sex, especially where the parties still do love each other and have a strong friendship.
Chrisull Feb 2013 3:10pm, 27 Feb 2013 5,345 posts	0 Chrisull So my reading of this thread , you'd almost assume that if everybody here was still in a relationship when we're in our 70s and 80s, that we'll all still be having sex? Otherwise we'd be off somewhere else and it was a sign that the relationship was on the rocks? And I'd have to say, I'd very much doubt the majority in relationships will be having sex by that age! There is some point that this will happen to most couples who stay together surely? Already some on this thread in their 40s and 50s have admitted decreased libido. From age 30 male testosterone starts diminishing. As a 40 year old, I note that I'm less prone to red-mist moments, my eyesight is worse than it was at 20, my hairline is receding, these are the most notable signs, it is inescapable, it is called aging. But as the majority (not all I know) on fetch are under 50/60, we're yet to hit that point and are acting as if it's unimaginable. I suspect it is all too imaginable, it just outside the realms of experience. Some people things do quicker or slower than others, but most of us end up at the same destination eventually.
Wobbling Feb 2013 3:30pm, 27 Feb 2013 1,665 posts	0 Wobbling I used to think I would stop having sex by the time I was 40. I am hopefully optimistic that won't happen. I don't buy-in to the idea that older people (over 70s) don't have sex. I'm sure they do, just probably not as often as they did when they were young and their hips were crumbling. Tho, if as an older couple you stop having sex, I'm sure that will be a mutual decision, based on ability, and not like the situation McG describes. Although sex isn't the be-all and end-all of a grown up, stable relationship, it is relationship glue. If sex is off the agenda for some reason, there must be some other act between the couple to keep the intimacy of the relationship, the specialness that marks two people as a couple. In my experience, that other act can be cuddling, or a massage or helping the other one to wash when they're too ill or injured to do it for themselves. They're all intimate acts, just not as nice as sex. Over the years, a couple of my friends have confided to me that their marriages have gone through sexless periods, both following the birth of the first child (surprisingly in one couple it was the man who shut up shop), and it was very upsetting for the other partners. They both saw it as personal rejection and it affected them both deeply. They're both fine now, btw. I'm not that close to the other partner in these relationships, but if one of my close friends told me they'd stopped having sex with their partner, I would encourage them to get to a relationship counsellor. For me, not wanting to have sex with my partner would be indicative of a deep issue, not necessarily within the relationship, but something that definitely warranted outside help, be it medical or psychological. And no, I'm not saying if you don't want sex you must be mentally ill, just that you might want to seek help to try and understand what's brought about this change.