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Feb 2013
4:17pm, 27 Feb 2013
1,667 posts
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Wobbling
I'm not talking about 'waxing and waning' of libidos, I'm talking about someone saying 'no more that's it' Or not saying it, just making it clear sex is off the agenda and not talking about why. With both of my friends, their relationships were sexless for over a year, that's not 'waxing and waning', that's an issue. And it became more of an issue because their partners wouldn't talk about it.
When my ex shut up shop, he told me he was just off sex, nothing personal. I believed him too. Like I believed him when he said we should split up because 'we were different people now'. It was nothing to do with the other woman he had been shagging for well over a year, no, not at all.
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Feb 2013
4:17pm, 27 Feb 2013
24,018 posts
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JenL
Do you think a partner should agree to have sex if s/he doesn't want to "for the sake of the relationship", though, Jambomo? I think that's a very dangerous route to start travelling.
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Feb 2013
4:19pm, 27 Feb 2013
24,019 posts
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JenL
I do think both partners should be able to discuss how they feel and why they feel that way.
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Feb 2013
4:21pm, 27 Feb 2013
5,758 posts
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Oysterboy
I've sure we've all done it when we can't really be arsed because the other has wanted to haven't we?
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Feb 2013
4:22pm, 27 Feb 2013
24,020 posts
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JenL
No
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Feb 2013
4:24pm, 27 Feb 2013
3,643 posts
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Jambomo
I don't think that is a dangerous route Jen, no more so than having to give up sex because your partner has decided they don't want it anymore and you don't want to cheat on them. It depends on how much you want to do for relationship - I am not saying anyone should ever be forced into having sex when they do not want it, but you cannot expect to say you no longer ever want it with some consequence to your relationship. It is not reasonable to think your partner should never have sex again (if they want it) because you no longer do. It will have an impact.
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Feb 2013
4:24pm, 27 Feb 2013
1,668 posts
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Wobbling
It's better than arguing OB! And, speaking from personal experience, I've always been pleased I changed my mind.
Bit of relationship advice my Dad gave me, and I've stuck with it:"never use sex as a weapon". Good advice from the thrice married man.
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Feb 2013
4:24pm, 27 Feb 2013
2,313 posts
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The Scribbler
I think that also goes back to JenL's comment about the 'pressure' or expectation that everyone else is having sex xx times a week/month whatever. If neither partner has said 'I don't want this any more', when does it become an issue? After a month? Three months? A year? And if it's not an 'issue' or causing concern with either partner is it still something you need to talk about?
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Feb 2013
4:24pm, 27 Feb 2013
7,514 posts
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Caterpillar
Thing is, would someone go to the pub if they had all the beer they wanted at home?
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Feb 2013
4:25pm, 27 Feb 2013
13,751 posts
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DeeGee
Nick suggested earlier that if the opportunity came to get it elsewhere, he might take it, and she might not be happy.
Surely if you're not willing to lie back and think of England for the sake of the relationship, and things have gone that far, you can't really complain when the other half goes elsewhere.
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Who are all the single Fetchies!!
Jun 2025