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Feb 2013
4:26pm, 27 Feb 2013
3,644 posts
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Jambomo
Dee Gee, I guess that is what I was trying to say.
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Feb 2013
4:26pm, 27 Feb 2013
11,556 posts
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Nick Cook
Yes - it's sometimes nice to go to the pub for the social aspect.
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Feb 2013
4:28pm, 27 Feb 2013
24,021 posts
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JenL
But nobody HAS to give it up either, do they? It depends on what you value in the relationship and that's something that will differ from couple to couple. Where exactly is the line between feeling you have to have sex you don't actually want because "it's been a week/ten days/a month/whatever" and being coerced?
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Feb 2013
4:38pm, 27 Feb 2013
3,645 posts
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Jambomo
No, i think there is a difference between understanding that there will be times and periods of life that your partner won't want to and accepting that.
I guess I am talking of the more extreme (for want of a better word) case where at 40 you are saying you don't want it anymore, full stop. If you are that persons partner and quite enjoy sex, then 30 + (if your lucky and if you still care by then) years of celibacy is a long time.
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Feb 2013
4:43pm, 27 Feb 2013
24,022 posts
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JenL
I think I find it quite hard to imagine taking an absolutist position (I'm not sure whether that's in any of the manuals, come to think of it  ) on having sex so I'd definitely want to discuss that with a partner who did take one.
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Feb 2013
4:44pm, 27 Feb 2013
24,023 posts
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JenL
But would anyone be happy to have sex with a partner they knew would rather not? I find that quite strange too, from both sides of the fence.
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Feb 2013
4:47pm, 27 Feb 2013
179 posts
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The King Of Carrot Flowers
if you feel you have to lie back and thank of england rather than want to then you have reduced making love to the level of shopping or cleaning the bathroom. not sure what the solution is but sitting down with a cup of coffee/tea and talking might help.
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Feb 2013
4:49pm, 27 Feb 2013
3,646 posts
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Jambomo
I wouldn't either Jen, I guess thats why taking such an absolute position would put a strain on a relationship - because whilst you probably wouldn't want to have sex with a reluctant partner you possibly wouldn't want to give it up yourself....what ARE the options.
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Feb 2013
4:52pm, 27 Feb 2013
24,024 posts
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JenL
You can't say to someone "I want to have sex with you because it's how I express my love for you but if you don't do it I'm going to be really angry with you/withhold affection or money or household services or whatever until you give me what I want" with a straight face, can you?
What IS the status of sex in a relationship?
Philosophers corner 
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Feb 2013
4:59pm, 27 Feb 2013
2,269 posts
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emdee
No, you can't really say that.. or if you do you're probably not a very nice person. That gets back to the whole "using sex as a weapon" thing, right?
Sex in a loving relationship is a natural reaction to wanting to be physically close to each other. Someone said a few pages back that it can be like "relationship glue" - if that glue disappears and isn't replaced by some other sticky substance, it could well end up as the start of the end if not addressed.
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