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Nov 2023
8:27am, 15 Nov 2023
10,359 posts
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Fields
Do make sure the jointly/severally thing is correct Fields, if you decide later it’s wrong it can’t be changed once (if) your dad has lost capacity.
My understanding from my Dad is that it’s not a joint thing, as that would mean that any future use of the POA would need my brother and I to be present at the same time and we live 150 miles from each other. It is me as the sole POA and my brother as a reserve should I predecessor my Dad.
But I also haven’t read it yet
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Nov 2023
8:32am, 15 Nov 2023
28,153 posts
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Lizzie Whizz
Luckily Heather is a good friend, & she has been helping Dad for me, so is better placed than me to protest his lack of ability to be a carer!
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Nov 2023
8:38am, 15 Nov 2023
29,280 posts
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Serendippily
Wishing you the best kaysdee. Trying to take the emotions out of things is hard
LMH it takes specialist resources and personalised care plans to unpick that my mum is able to selfcare, has a great mind with lots of logic, and is mobile, but has a different experience of noise and space which means she regards a right to privacy as more important than being able to eat or mix. Negotiation and trust take a long time and the current team just want to tick a box that says “family are dealing with it” or “we need to intervene and force her to eat”. These are not the only options nor do they follow nice guidelines nor are they part of the autism strategy, national or local, as far as i can understand it. But without a diagnosis we am not in the box where we can access that mindset or skillset. So instead they are pushing us to be the intermediary and my mum has now said she doesnt want to see any of us, formally telling me yesterday she had decided the best thing was never to speak or see me again as I was trying to put her away and had illegally sectioned her. This isnt a breakdown of logic, it is an extrapolation of a misreading of events, which takes her agency out the equation and puts her in her comfort zone of everyone being against her. This has been triggered by social services contacting her more and more the less she responds. A whole range of them. And saying stuff like “your daughter says” in an attempt to build credibility. A Perfectly sensible application of the wrong strategy. She has food for three weeks but none of my siblings can bear it, so the likelihood is a further intervention will occur and she will become part of a high incidence of autistic individuals who are institutionalised because they are tricky. I feel entirely without allies and i have lost my mum. But we have somehow recovered before, so heres hoping
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Nov 2023
9:03am, 15 Nov 2023
15,892 posts
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jda
That's one option Fields if you are sure that you are going to do everything yourself and your brother nothing, unless/until you die or otherwise lose your ability to act. However it's worth noting that it does not allow you to ever delegate any part of your powers to your brother, or for him to act temporarily as attorney. The only way he'll be able to act is if you permanently give up all of your power.
An alternative is just to name you both as "joint and several" attorneys, you may still have an understanding that you'll do the lion's share but your bro would be able to do stuff as and when convenient.
My parents originally set themselves up as attorney for each other, with me (and my siblings) as alternates, under the mistaken understanding that they'd be able to delegate some stuff to me. Luckily they happened to changed lawyers and the new ones spotted the problem, they had time to completely re-do and make me joint with them. Of course I still only interfered as required, my mother did the bulk of it for my father but it meant she had a few less things to bother with.
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Nov 2023
9:08am, 15 Nov 2023
48,432 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
The wording in the template that I used (Scotland - different legal system to England, obviously)
"...to be my continuing attorneys (my “Attorney”) and each of them alone and the survivor of them ..."
I've just realised that the text that I used in the template starts off talking about "welfare" and then goes on to list financial and welfare further down the document. I might have botched this. I just resent paying £100 (£500? £1000??) to a lawyer to copy and paste instead of me!  G
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Nov 2023
9:09am, 15 Nov 2023
10,360 posts
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Fields
Like I say I need to read it first jda, I don’t think my brother is really trusted to do any form of admin tbh so it all being my responsibility sounds about right
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Nov 2023
9:54am, 15 Nov 2023
15,893 posts
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jda
HG in Scotland it is quite common to combine welfare and finance in one document (my parents did this), in England you have to do two separate documents. The basic functionality is the same.
So long as your brother really is an emergency backstop it sounds fine Fields, but do read carefully
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Nov 2023
10:47am, 15 Nov 2023
64,968 posts
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LindsD
Oh Dipps that sounds hard
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Nov 2023
11:15am, 15 Nov 2023
7,129 posts
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ThorntonRunner
((Dipps))
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Nov 2023
11:20am, 15 Nov 2023
17,730 posts
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Mandymoo
((Dipps))
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