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Nov 2023
2:29pm, 14 Nov 2023
28,147 posts
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Lizzie Whizz
It appears my parents did their financial LPA as jointly. Sigh.
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Nov 2023
4:32pm, 14 Nov 2023
6,750 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Uh oh Lizzie. 
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Nov 2023
5:00pm, 14 Nov 2023
25,905 posts
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Bazoaxe
Seems no harm done again but Mrs axe and the carer had to pick her up and then cancel the ambulance
Jda I agree 15 months ago my mind was made up but we needed MiL or someone in authority to decide. I wonder if the GP is now getting there. No idea how that will work though and probably on us to have the conversation which will be very upsetting unless deep down she knows and bit may be a relief.
For all that it’s hard for us I would hate to be in her position and it must be quite frightening.
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Nov 2023
5:38pm, 14 Nov 2023
28,148 posts
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Lizzie Whizz
Argh.
Message from mum:
The physios etc have said that I do not fit the criteria for the rehab centre and that I am fit to go home. Wonderfully when the last one came round Heather was here and was able to back up what I was saying about pa and what things are like at home.
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Nov 2023
6:13pm, 14 Nov 2023
321 posts
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kaysdee
The system is on its knees. The things people need to go through are so upsetting. Hugs to all.
On my front, I had a call from social services last week to say the social care assessment officer who had only been out the day before to do capacity assessments with OH was unavailable until further notice and there was someone new involved so everything would need to be redone today.
Turns out there weren’t comprehensive notes from the previous meetings and after 4 weeks at respite, we essentially started back at the beginning. Despite living in a major city there is apparently “no assisted living availability”. They propose to move from OH from respite to another temporary care home while he goes on a waiting lists. What felt like may be weeks/up to a couple of months after the last meeting has now been realistically explained as likely to be several months and up to a year.
I want to cry. I don’t feel like I can do that to OH as it is another care home setting (which I have to find!) but the alternative is for him to come home (with some magical care package 🙄) where he’ll still not manage and after 4 weeks of space, the kids no longer want. They just don’t think it’s a good idea as we’re all at work/uni/college and they don’t want to be carers or have that responsibility anymore. I understand that. They feel incredibly guilty and I feel completely stuck and don’t know what to do. He does still have capacity and has full awareness his dementia but needs help with functional living skills. The current situation feels like it is being imposed on him by us and I don’t know what to do. I can’t give up my job as we’ll have no income. My gut says for him to come home but if we’re being honest, I have also really benefitted from the space and our relationship has vastly improved. There seem to be no good options.
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Nov 2023
7:04pm, 14 Nov 2023
64,957 posts
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LindsD
I'm so sorry Lizzie and Kaysdee.
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Nov 2023
9:41pm, 14 Nov 2023
10,358 posts
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Fields
My dads power of attorney arrived in the post today, with instructions (which he emailed as forgot to put them in the post! As he drily commented- perhaps forgetting to send the instructions is one of the reasons he is setting it up) to read, sign and get witnessed and forward to my brother who will need to do the same, before returning to him.
I am the main person, my brother is riding the pine just in case I am hit by a bus.
Presumably once it is sent off, I have a copy of it
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Nov 2023
6:35am, 15 Nov 2023
6,751 posts
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Little Miss Happy
I take it Heather's view of what things are like at home isn't the same as yours Lizzie?
kaysdee - there isn't any budget/resources anywhere but that doesn't make it any better for those needing support. From what you've said I don't see how you could manage with OH at home and the children who it seems would be further disrupted/concerned by his return. Of course you'd like to have him there but I can't see who it would really be good for apart maybe from your OH? Neither you nor your children should feel guilt. It's a practical decision in everyone's best interest. Your OH isn't safe home alone and the whole of the family would suffer if you were to give up work and become his full time carer.
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Nov 2023
7:26am, 15 Nov 2023
48,425 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
Fields, once your dad sends PoA off it gets "registered" with office of the public guardian. Takes a month or two. They then send an official copy to you and any other attorneys. I've just become one of 3 attorneys for my step mum. She did it via a solicitor and it was all smooth. For my mum I did the form myself from Internet. I don't know if it will pass muster.
Ksd- sounds like moving to another care home is only option. I hope you find a suitable one.
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Nov 2023
8:13am, 15 Nov 2023
15,891 posts
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jda
Do make sure the jointly/severally thing is correct Fields, if you decide later it’s wrong it can’t be changed once (if) your dad has lost capacity.
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