Elderly parents or relatives to care for and/or worry about? This is the place for you.
5 lurkers |
140 watchers
Oct 2023
8:09am, 13 Oct 2023
35,150 posts
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Ness
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Oct 2023
8:29am, 13 Oct 2023
48,084 posts
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HappyG(rrr)
What is his mental health condition Bazo? Can he be treated for it? Might benefit him and the rest of the family too? Wishing you all and MiL well. G
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Oct 2023
8:32am, 13 Oct 2023
29,196 posts
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Serendippily
It is really hard Bazo. If he is having some kind of shutdown the expectation and disappointment may mean he literally cannot be relied on. In my experience he may only be in contact when he can take on more emotion and those moments may be few and far between. But he still seems to be occasionally trying. Or maybe hes a complete shit. Or both. Im really sorry you and mrs Bax are left in such an impossible situation either way
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Oct 2023
8:51am, 13 Oct 2023
25,726 posts
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Bazoaxe
HG. We don’t know really as he will not speak to us and I think he sees us as part of the problem hence why we are shut out his life. This seems to be what his counsellor has told him to do. We believe he is being treated for it but it is very hard to know. We have tried to reach out and see if we can find common ground but ever since January of this year he has shut every communication avenue down. We could turn up at his door which we did do about three years ago when the signs first started. We did also meet him and his partner in December and seemed to have resolved things. In fact he was coming to ours at Christmas until we had to cancel due to covid in the house. It’s a knife edge as we don’t want to make him worse but also it’s having such an impact on everyone else and us close to driving others to also need counselling |
Oct 2023
8:59am, 13 Oct 2023
64,464 posts
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LindsD
It sounds like it's making an already difficult situation even more difficult.
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Oct 2023
9:00am, 13 Oct 2023
29,200 posts
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Serendippily
Baz, apologies if i speak out of turn, autisminitiatives have a 5 star approach which is probably more broadly applicable in understanding challenging behaviour, and has helped me think about motivation and expectation, and what works for the individual and creates some pragmatic middle ground, regardless of whether its ‘normal’. Link here, you would need to scroll to bottom of page autisminitiatives.org
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Oct 2023
9:59am, 13 Oct 2023
25,727 posts
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Bazoaxe
Thanks. I will read that over the weekend when I have more time. I think autism does play some part. I still maintain if BiL would meet us and talk to us we could find a way forward that helps us all. That though is not possible. It is clear email and text are just making things worse. |
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Oct 2023
10:21am, 13 Oct 2023
29,204 posts
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Serendippily
I think you’re right, but if he struggles to articulate his thoughts, he risks putting himself in a situation of not being heard, while being exposed to more demands it may be painful or impossible to meet, doesn't he? It is hard to know what is blowing his mind if he won’t talk to you, but if you have the will, and i think you very much do, there will be a way. I wish you the very best of luck. And to quote the lovely Teebs, you can’t control other’s actions and reactions, but only your own. And that is hard when you are so much in the right x
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Oct 2023
11:24am, 13 Oct 2023
6,695 posts
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Little Miss Happy
Glad that MiL is comfortable Baz. Counselors won’t tell people what to do, they might suggest options for consideration or ask why the client why they do something if it causes them distress but that’s as far as it goes.
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Oct 2023
11:42am, 13 Oct 2023
25,728 posts
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Bazoaxe
Thanks both that helps LMH interesting point. BiL has told us in the past when he was communicating with us that some of his changed behaviours were because that’s what his counsellor told him to do. I guess we will never really know and I have always been concerned by some of these as the approach being taken started to impact others and actually make things worse for everyone including BiL We have tried everything we can think of apart from trying contact though his partner or daughter. Both those risk making things worse and also drawing in people who we don’t believe know the details of what is going on. That may not be right or fair. |
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